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What would you do if.....???
#1
Hello All,
Last night I got a shock which i thought wouldnt ever happen to a close friend... I am 26 and the person in question who is a friend of mine is 59... To set a background picture when I was 18 i lived in an abusive gay flat share and he gave me the courage to leave with advice and he has been a good friend since... He has fixed my car and helped me out of trouble when needed it not fincially but just advice...

Well last night i saw him in the street after a few weeks and asked why his phone is off... My friend told me his had his mobile phone and laptop along with a couple of dvd's possessed by the Police from a different county within the UK. When i questioned it he explained honestly to me about the fact that when he was envoled in the church back in the 1980's some young guy from back then who i beleive was only a minor has filed a complaint about sexual abuse which claims my friend and another two guys raped him... I am a bit shell shocked by this because ive known the friend for 8 years and stayed a few nights at his place during this time and never been sexually abused... The other two men envoled have however died of natural causes as they were 10/15 years older than my friend...

l feel sort of confused by the whole ordeal as i know he wouldnt abuse a child im sure of it... His admitted to me however that one of the older people who have died abused him in the church when he first joined in the 1960's and he never filed a complaint... This was revealed about 4 years ago to me when the guy died... The police asked him where he got his laptop from and he gave them my name as i did supply a laptop as i got a free upgrade with a mobile phone and to save binning it i gave it as a friendship gift as he hasnt got alot of money nor can he afford to buy a laptop...

In the time that ive known him being honest as i have to be to get accurate advice from the forum there has been another male known as T. He is about 3 years older than me however he has insisted that he got put on the sexual offenders by an accident with a 14 year old girl a few years back.. I always listen to my gut feeling and i never liked this guy and when it was confirmed he was on the list my friend and I cut ties with this guy... l didnt cut ties until i found out about the reasons why but the way it came round was my friend and T had a fall out... Since last night I have felt sick inside because my partners son who is 15 and i call my step son as i do love him dearly and care alot about him, i introduced to my friend when we have gone round for a cuppa T and a chat and my partner who i love loads has told me in the past that my friend has checked him out however ive always denied it because of the friendship and now ive begun to find questions like is this a sign that he is one and was envoled??? He has denied ever taking part in the intital rape of the complaint between 1980 and 1983 and 1986 and 1988...

l have thought about making this annoymous however ive decided not to because i want to show that even people we trust at times more than our own family could be hiding dark secrets... l have been assured he is innocent and i am out of friendship i think going to take his side and beleive him purely because our friendship has been like a father/son friendship... When his had a difficult patch ive helped him through it including his terminal illness which is affecting him day after day and will do till he dies eventually...

l just want to know if its true.... Why??? Id have no option but to loose a good friend and cut him out of my life for good just finding it difficult to get my head round... He has one of my dogs as i dont want to tear up a happy home but id have to take my dog back if he gets found guilty.. His told me his on bail till the 4th april so trying to get my head round things isnt easy and what if the police see my text wishing him a happy new year??? Does that mean they will then investigate me to see if im a bloody pedophile??? I know im not and I know for certain that my beleiefs on them is well lets say its very strong anti pedophilia beliefs!

Kindest regards

zeon x
#2
Hi Zeon,

I am so sorry this has fallen on you and your family.
After reading through this twice I have more questions than answers
Your first responsibility is to the welfare of your family, do not let him anywhere near them.
These creatures are the destroyer of innocence and you can never undo what they do.

I have to wonder why the police insisted on taking his laptop and mobile phone.
Have they found a trail of sorts; is he part of a pedophile ring?
Not sure how it works in England , but here they would have to have uncovered something pretty big to take everything away like that.

Relax about giving him those things , no one can tie you in with this.
Data recovering software can restore the data that was on there when you gave it to him.

One particular question that comes to mind ,is why did he remain silent about the other rapes done by others.
Protect your family Zeon , that is what I would do my friend.

Hugs
#3
all this is somewhat dated ( late 1980's ), dont see what you have to do with it.
#4
I cannot blame you for one moment for finding yourslef in turmoil over this. Like Mum, I have more questions than answers.

As a step father your priority is your step-son, the protection of any child trumps a friendship that has lasted through the ages. I know the saying is 'innocent until proven guilty', but with a child and sexual abuse, there is no second chances.

As for yourself, I honestly don't know. I have never been in the situation you find yourself, but hypothetically I would distance myself, and not worry too much about being contacted by law enforcement if that is one of your concerns.
#5
When a complaint of sexual abuse is made the police have a statutory duty to investigate that case. To have had his laptop and phone removed from him, he must have have at least been given a caution. In Britain police can arrest a person from a different county, there are no boundaries. There is no length of time that the police can't instigate a case just as long as those involved are still alive and able to answer for their alleged actions. You do have to keep a child away from any person who's allegedly someone and the subject of a police enquiry or you may find the social services knocking on your door.
[SIZE="3"][COLOR="Green"]Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

Oscar Wilde[/COLOR][/SIZE]
Respect
#6
Yikes.:eek:
:frown:
All i can say is, while it's hard to discern whether the police have anything on him or not, what i can piece together from the ceasing of his laptop and mobile phone, is that they are looking for evidence of paedophilic material and any people he may have connections to which are known to the police.
With your details on the phone, it's possible you may get a phone call, to verify who you are, how you know him, and if you have any relevant info.

How they ceased these two items, we may never know, They would of needed...oh!...What do they call it? "Reasonable suspicion"?:confused:

I'm not sure what they need exactly for Reasonable Suspicion, it doesn't seem like they need a lot.Headscratch
I'd take a guess that they need an accusation, and at least one other persons statement, or a piece of evidence that collaborates with the accusation in some manner.

I hope everything works out Zeon.
Bighug
*Sigh*
If things don't go so well, just remember, even the nicest seeming people have their dark secrets.:frown:

(DISCLAIMER: All thee above is just my opinion based on my experiences and knowledge and guesses made from that experience and knowledge, and are not to be taken as true.:redfaceSmile
Silly Sarcastic So-and-so
#7
If you have doubts about this man or your partner does see if you can get info about him for the police station. It's called Sarah's Law. I have attached the website for you to look at, it gives examples of the ways you can be given info on an individual's past. http://www.sarahslaw.co.uk/how-it-works/
#8
zeon Wrote:... Since last night I have felt sick inside because my partners son who is 15 and i call my step son as i do love him dearly and care alot about him, i introduced to my friend when we have gone round for a cuppa T and a chat and my partner who i love loads has told me in the past that my friend has checked him out however ive always denied it because of the friendship and now ive begun to find questions like is this a sign that he is one and was envoled??? ..

please reference a thread here at gayspeak

the legal age here in the US is 18, the legal age in New Zealand is 16? Do children mature at a different rates? just thought i would kick some soap boxes.
#9
At the end of the day zeon, I know and everyone else on here knows you are a very decent guy. My personal advice to you would be although this man is your friend you have to be wary as there is a minor involved. Personally I think predators are very good at hiding who they are but eventually the lies cause them to slip up, the mask they wear starts to itch and they show their true colours. If he is found not guilty fair enough but there seems to be very vague areas here as in the bail, there must be something serious going on. I don't know, just be vigilent, if there is a minor involved even more so, perhaps if he is found not guilty but you still have doubts maybe make it so he isn't in contact with your step son. I hope this all works out for you, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your boyfriend.


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