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Where am i headed?
#11
fenris Wrote:Its a bit learning.... as I was 17 - 18 I was really jealous .... with the full program...screaming, throw things around.... with so much temper I got nosebleeds only from rage ... but then I ´ve seen that this makes more harm as it is needful.
Now I mean that I´m not the worst partner who is possible... I have some good sides ..some bad sides ... and if that is not enough for my partner to stay ... he can go. He will find another partner ... and I can, too. Thinking on this way helps a lot... try it...

And with a bisexual partner ... if you want that he stays ... I think you must let him go on a long leash... and he comes back. You can´t be a women for him ... so don´t try it.

Thx for the advice u help alot. Actually to be honest i don't he is bi, he says he is buy he is more confused, he only had sex with a girl once, and had a crush or two, and he has been with me for the past 2 yrs, he also acts actually gay, the way he talks walks and dress and he is obssesed with lady gaga Smile) hey i like her, but he is obssesed, he also says that if a girl touches or just sits next to him he will get a bonner, no other thoughts but just a bonner, and with guys doesn't happen that only if he thinks at things, but what is wierd is that he watches gay porn and when he masturbate he thinks at men to.... So my opinion is that he is gay, or maybe its just confused or who knows...


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#12
Maybe its the best you calm down at first ....

Maybe its only a good friendship ... and there a no clear borders ... That reminds me on a story 3 years back .... a friend of mine comes to visit us, my man was there, too. And he slept with us in the same bed ( its normal here, because we can talk the whole night )...as I awake in the morning he has tied my toes... and we was tickling us .. and so on ... my man lay and watches ... after half an hour we both was full with blue stains, the bed was totally broken ... and my man said ... "like little kids, as next you both get only some mattresses....I make breakfast" ... some days after he said to me "at first I was jealous.... but I know you"
He had to learn how I am ... and now he knows that means no danger for our relationship.
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#13
fenris Wrote:Maybe its the best you calm down at first ....

Maybe its only a good friendship ... and there a no clear borders ... That reminds me on a story 3 years back .... a friend of mine comes to visit us, my man was there, too. And he slept with us in the same bed ( its normal here, because we can talk the whole night )...as I awake in the morning he has tied my toes... and we was tickling us .. and so on ... my man lay and watches ... after half an hour we both was full with blue stains, the bed was totally broken ... and my man said ... "like little kids, as next you both get only some mattresses....I make breakfast" ... some days after he said to me "at first I was jealous.... but I know you"
He had to learn how I am ... and now he knows that means no danger for our relationship.

U may be right afterall, i know i can be jealous sometimes, maybe these days will be just what i need to cool down, time will tell, it allways does. Thx Fenris


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#14
I have the same problem. I trusted my best friend a lot, more than any one in this world. And also, he is a very honest person to begin with. However, I still get jealous all the time, and he always tells me like "you never trust me". First of all, it is not healthy for your relationship that you make him feels you don't trust him. Even if you spy on him or figure out anything, just don't say anything, just be flexible with that. Don't do anything like yelling until you have a proof.

Even if you found out that he has feeling for other people rather than you, the best thing to do is not trying to prevent his relationship with other people. You should do anything and everything to make him love you more. Some extra romantic moments, caring, honesty, scarifying... will do the trick. Trust and love is not something you can gain verbally, and argument is the worst enemy of love. Just show him that how you love him and he will know what you deserve.

If his mistake is not forgivable then break up and move on. ( sound simple but I know it 's hard).
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#15
yes .. spying and controlling is the next problem... and if you begun to spy it starts a circle of mistrust.... you want to know all and you use every possible way to get this knowing... and you want even more....

I don´t answer cell-phone calls from my man... never. I don´t read his messages.... I don´t use his laptob or email... or whatever. And if we are in a shop and he give me his purse to pay... I don´t do.
If he is here we have both a laptop... back on back... and no one use the laptop from the other, not even to turn off.... its very important to have your own private things.
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#16
Hello Crisit, is there an age difference between you and your boyfriend? Has he ever mentioned having children? Do you think that would count for him?
I agree with Fenris here that you have to learn to give your man a long leash, and keep some privacy for both of you. Don't go snooping in his computer. There is some virtue to discretion. There are some things you will never share and some things you will probably continue to share, if your relationship isn't over yet.

If you really find it hard to deal with his attraction to women, then it's time to move on.

I'm sure you deserve a partner who is loving and caring, but you can't make your current boyfriend become what he isn't. If he's a philanderer, he's a philanderer (someone who likes adventures with lots of women); if he's an outdoors person, he's an outdoors person, if he's blonde, he's blonde (even dyeing his hair won't change that)...

You have made many compromises already, you said... Ask yourself why you made these compromises. And were they worth it? Has your boyfriend understood how far you were ready to go with the compromises? To me it sounds as if maybe the two of you don't quite have the same sense of humour, and that can be devastating. You take things very seriously, and he takes things lightly and is more carefree, or so it appears. Maybe he thinks you are acting a bit like a "drama queen" and he finds it amusing, or ridiculous, and so he's making fun of you. But the more he makes fun of you, the less you can take it. He's going too far and your own boundaries have been crossed. So either you can mend this with a good talk or you will have to find a partner better suited to your personality.

I hope finding the answers to some of these questions will help you see more clearly into your relationship with this man. I think it is a sort of incompatibility of sensitivities.
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#17
princealbertofb Wrote:Hello Crisit, is there an age difference between you and your boyfriend? Has he ever mentioned having children? Do you think that would count for him?
I agree with Fenris here that you have to learn to give your man a long leash, and keep some privacy for both of you. Don't go snooping in his computer. There is some virtue to discretion. There are some things you will never share and some things you will probably continue to share, if your relationship isn't over yet.

If you really find it hard to deal with his attraction to women, then it's time to move on.

I'm sure you deserve a partner who is loving and caring, but you can't make your current boyfriend become what he isn't. If he's a philanderer, he's a philanderer (someone who likes adventures with lots of women); if he's an outdoors person, he's an outdoors person, if he's blonde, he's blonde (even dyeing his hair won't change that)...

You have made many compromises already, you said... Ask yourself why you made these compromises. And were they worth it? Has your boyfriend understood how far you were ready to go with the compromises? To me it sounds as if maybe the two of you don't quite have the same sense of humour, and that can be devastating. You take things very seriously, and he takes things lightly and is more carefree, or so it appears. Maybe he thinks you are acting a bit like a "drama queen" and he finds it amusing, or ridiculous, and so he's making fun of you. But the more he makes fun of you, the less you can take it. He's going too far and your own boundaries have been crossed. So either you can mend this with a good talk or you will have to find a partner better suited to your personality.

I hope finding the answers to some of these questions will help you see more clearly into your relationship with this man. I think it is a sort of incompatibility of sensitivities.

Thats it, its just like u said about humour and jokes and all that... The age difference is 7 yrs, yes he does want kids and so do i, he wants kids with me he said and we even talked about the options that we have. I also think u are right with the privacy 2 , but unfortunatlley we have only one pc Sad so ... We seems to get along just fine now and i will also try yr advices and see how ita gonna work. Just today he told me he really misses me and he doesn't figure it out how come we dont get along sometimes when i am home... Thx for the advicess and if u are interested i will keep u up to date with how things are going. Thx all u guys Smile


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#18
I don't agree with princealbertofb about moving on. There is no perfect person, we can not move on every time our partner shows that he has something that we don't like. Love is all about accepting. If you can love someone enough you can accept who he is and live with it.
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#19
conechvn Wrote:I don't agree with princealbertofb about moving on. There is no perfect person, we can not move on every time our partner shows that he has something that we don't like. Love is all about accepting. If you can love someone enough you can accept who he is and live with it.
Did we read the same post? I don't see where he contradicted you :confused:
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#20
marshlander Wrote:Did we read the same post? I don't see where he contradicted you :confused:

If you really find it hard to deal with his attraction to women, then it's time to move on.

I'm sure you deserve a partner who is loving and caring, but you can't make your current boyfriend become what he isn't. If he's a philanderer, he's a philanderer (someone who likes adventures with lots of women); if he's an outdoors person, he's an outdoors person, if he's blonde, he's blonde (even dyeing his hair won't change that)...


Oh, and I post it because I notice than in another post, every time someone complains about their partner, people always suggest to "move on". I just want to say, it 's not that simple Wink
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