So far we have raised 15% of our monthly running costs! Thanks for your generosity!

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
ftm help?
#1
Hello guys i need some more advice from you if thats okay.. =)
(i dont even know where im going with this post im just about confused)

I have been thinking of myself as someone inbetween both genders but i still would like to be seen as a guy, thats just how i wanna look. I like male bodyshapes and when i see a goodlooking guy i always wish that i looked like that.
The thing is this: when i was eleven about to turn twelwe i bought this cool baseballcap and i got to choose my own bike so i picked a "guy bike" (as my bro calls it), i chose not to wear a dress like everyone else at the schools ending ceremony, and was rlly happy with it all
When i became a teen and got boobs i was so sad, i wanted them to just go away. Cried many times..
Then i came to a new school and other things happened and my life just sucked, to cope with school and staying away from being bullied i started to act and dress more girly
so i bought girly clothes and skirts and dresses, picked my eyebrows etc.
Didnt like my bike anymore =P

But i never liked myself. And looking back at that time i know now that i was in a depression for a long time.

after three years of torture i came to a new school with a whole different atmosphere and i could be myself. In hope of looking like a guy i cut my hair short (and tho i didnt look like a guy it still boosted my confidence to the top)
I havent worn a dress/skirt or bra in like two years or so and i only ever look at clothes in the male section. Love my bike again xD

The thing is my mum doesnt see this change, she still wants me to wear dresses and wear girly clothes. and since i dont exactly know yet what i want with myself i dont want to tell her or anyone anything of how i feel about myself because what if im not ftm?
all i know is that i hate when people call me "She" and say im a girl
i hate my boobs i hate my hips and i hate that i look and sound like a girl!
#2
Hi Alec,

so your question now is what to tell your mother? Simply, Mom, I don't like to wear dress and unless I'll change my mind, I won't. You are 17, your mother can suggest you what to wear, but she can hardly make you. If you don't want to tell her exactly how you are feeling, tell her just that you don't feel comfortable in skirts, stockings, shoes.

*hug*
#3
Telling your mum everything you have just told us wouldn't hurt. She has watched and been confused, now is the time to talk to her.
#4
Search google for this article 'Whats so bad about a boy who wants to wear a dress' (sry I can't post the link, but I don't have enough posts yet) and get your mum to read it. I know you're not a boy, but the article talks about gender identity, and how most of us actually fall along a spectrum.
#5
dfiant Wrote:Telling your mum everything you have just told us wouldn't hurt.

you wish, dfiant. It's like saying that telling your parents that you are gay wouldn't hurt. Both, the OP and the parent can be hurt, if one of them is not ready or open minded. Things that Alec thinks about are not innocent and easy and not something his/her mother can ignore.
If Alec is not ready and not sure what he/she wants and needs, it can do more damage than good.
#6
Nick9 Wrote:you wish, dfiant. It's like saying that telling your parents that you are gay wouldn't hurt. Both, the OP and the parent can be hurt, if one of them is not ready or open minded. Things that Alec thinks about are not innocent and easy and not something his/her mother can ignore.
If Alec is not ready and not sure what he/she wants and needs, it can do more damage than good.

I apologise that my opinion is different to yours Nick, but try helping the OP rather than attacking other peoples opinions please Wink

I stand by my advice
#7
dfiant Wrote:I apologise that my opinion is different to yours Nick, but try helping the OP rather than attacking other peoples opinions please Wink

I stand by my advice

No need to apologize. I do try to help OP by my comment and I am not attacking you.
#8
BigBroEL Wrote:Search google for this article 'Whats so bad about a boy who wants to wear a dress' (sry I can't post the link, but I don't have enough posts yet) and get your mum to read it. I know you're not a boy, but the article talks about gender identity, and how most of us actually fall along a spectrum.

Is this it?

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/magazi...wanted=all

Good article anyway. I only read part of it but I definitely want to read the rest.
#9
Explain to your mom that you just are not comfortable in dresses, and leave it at that.
No need to push anything down her throat right now.
#10
^^Good article, approaches the issue from multiple angles, including some I hadn't initially considered in depth, such as what the difference between reactions to boys' deviation from gender norms and girls' deviation says about societal assumptions about the whole masculine-feminine binary:

Quote:These days, flouting gender conventions extends even to baby naming: first names that were once unambiguously masculine are now given to girls. The shift, however, almost never goes the other way. That’s because girls gain status by moving into “boy” space, while boys are tainted by the slightest whiff of femininity. “There’s a lot more privilege to being a man in our society,” says Diane Ehrensaft, a psychologist at the University of California, San Francisco, who supports allowing children to be what she calls gender creative. “When a boy wants to act like a girl, it subconsciously shakes our foundation, because why would someone want to be the lesser gender?” Boys are up to seven times as likely as girls to be referred to gender clinics for psychological evaluations. Sometimes the boys’ violation is as mild as wanting a Barbie for Christmas. By comparison, most girls referred to gender clinics are far more extreme in their atypicality: they want boy names, boy pronouns and, sometimes, boy bodies.

Bold and italics added.

The first person I ever met named Clark was a girl in kindergarten. I had no idea it was a predominantly masculine name until much later. Raised no red flags. I wonder how much of a reaction there would have been to a boy named Caroline.

And this:

Quote:“I didn’t go into parenting thinking I wanted to deconstruct the notions of gender with my children,” Witterick told me. “I had enough life experience to know that the way we construct masculinity sets men up to either be victimized because they’re wimps, or to be victimizers to prove they’re not. But I will freely admit to you that the first time Jazz selected a dress off the store shelf, I did not know what to do. There were beads of sweat on my forehead.”

Some of the comments on this article are interesting as well:

janeh Wrote:Lotta ignorant remarks here. I have a boy who, at age 8, begged for a Care Bear with a tiara and purple dress and some nice strappy sandals. He had recently told me that he wanted to be a girl because girls got all the good STUFF, clothes and crafts and toy animals and so on.

When I was a little girl, I wanted a Hot Wheels set and my parents wisely complied, so I knew what to do. I got my son his Care Bear (and tiara, dress and sandals - it was his birthday). The Care Bear staff included an almost certain tran who was incredibly nice about it.

The kid is in middle school now, obsessed with video games, world conquest, physical activity and a little girl named Allie. And BTW I'm a married straight woman.

Don't overthink this, people. Human beings try out all kinds of things, especially when they're young. And so what if it leads in an unusual direction? Does the roof fall in?!

I say this as someone who is in many ways a wimp: if someone not acting/dressing according to how you think their gender is supposed to is threatening to you, you're a wimp. If people realized there are bigger (read: actual) problems than someone not conforming to some social construct like gender, then maybe there wouldn't be conflicts like those Alec has to deal with, and maybe we could all move on. It should be a complete non-issue.


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)