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how do you know?
#1
Hey guys, I'm new to this site. Anyways, I wanted to ask you guys some things about coming out. I guess I'll brief you guys on my situation. I'm out at my college and with a few close friends. Only one of my highschool friends knows and he's my best friend from highschool. I guess I just want to know what the next step would be. I'm scared to tell my parents especially because I don't know how they would react. I think they know I'm gay but they are still in denial. I think my mom would be okay with it, but my dad is a very tough guy who grew up in the country of Missouri. I grew up in a small town in Missouri with about 2000 people. Should I start dating and not tell my parents or should I tell my parents? I know some guys who haven't told their parents, but I feel like I'm going to not be able to take it anymore. I know I'm just going to explode and not be able to hide this from them any longer. Also, how did coming out with your guy's parents go? Were you guys able to figure out how yoru parents would react? Ok enough questions, but if I could get some insight from you guys, that'd be great. So the big question for me is how do you know who to tell and when should you come out to a person?
#2
Well, let me start by telling how I came out. My brother is also gay and he is old. So he came out first and when I came out it was so easy. I guess I got the easy road :biggrin:
All I have to say is you should tell your parents. It's like being at an AA meeting... The only way to over come it is to admit it. Once you come out you will feel so much better. If your parent truly love you then they will love you no matter what you do or are. I always tell people to just let the world know, then so many windows will open and your life will seem so much happier. I don't mean running around telling every person you come across that your gay. Just keep it casual and if the moment arises, take that chance and let them know. People now and days are so understanding and don't give a shit. Don't lie to yourself and the people who love you.
#3
nice ta meet ya mate. about comin out ya might as well tell em before they find out from some1 else coz that wud be a lot worse an ya woud lose their respect an trust. betta comin from tha horses mouth as they say. yor dad sounds like he will take a while to accept it but shoud come to terms wiv it eventualy. that the way mine was he acted funny for a few weeks an then got back to normal that if ya can say he woz eva normal!! LOL we just kept outof each others faces till he was cool wiv it.
#4
My mum told ME..(and yes i knew myself lol)
#5
Thats almost sad... but more of down right funny.
#6
Damn i tried twice to reply to this and both times lost the page when my laptop got unplugged while it was charging!

So... hmmm i ll start by saying that it is great you outing your self. I didnt had the courage when i was your age and wasnt even sure i was gay. I admire and envy all of you with stronger sense of identity than the one i had at the time and got out soon.

It took me time to come out and now i am out to close family and most friends.
We are all afraid how our parents will react and quite often it is not as bad as we thought. I didnt want to bombard my parents with the "Mom dad , i am Gay!" phrase as i did with my friends. I wanted to know in advance how they will react. I ve first tried to see what is their general opinion on gay people and how they perceive the whole gay thing . Was discretely pushing the conversation there and giving them hints not in a very obviously way, watching my back the same time... Didnt get something positive from them very soon- most parents don't thing that their kids could be gay. Its something that happens to others or only in tv but i kept trying.
Was surprised to finally hear my dad who is the tough one to read and sometimes quite rigid kind of man saying :"It's not their choice , people don't choose their sexuality, are born with it. Gays have more female hormones than other men (amazing generalization and diagnosis but fair enough lol). We shouldn't be too hard on them" he said.
Mum who is the loving caring woman you are blessed to be your mother was less open minded yet kind of accepting.
It was an evening i was getting ready to go out and they were commenting on how handsome i look blah.. who i am going to meet a girl or maybe a bloke. I laughed and said almost very casually would they mind if it was a guy then because it can well be.. They got the message but we didnt discussed it any further at that time.
I am from a small conservative Christian city myself so i at least tried not to draw too much attention, i know they would be embarrassed if the gossip started.
Now i hear some not so nice comments from my father, mum doesnt make any and takes it lightly so am i. They are great parents. Sometimes i feel sorry for them...... but yeah most probably they will have only that one grandkid from my sis!

You cant really know how people will take it although you can fish for clues. Some will take it quite well some others will need more time.
I'd say the best time to go out to someone is when you are ready and ready to give them time to get used to the idea. That could be when you are in a pretty stable place in your life . When you don't rush and don't do it because you are going to explode. Explosion comes with fire and you don't want to burn anyone now. Be calm and relaxed and then go through with it.
It's all about good timing. i.e Tell them when you bring straight A's , not when they have a huge bill to pay or their are upset about something.
If your dad's reaction worries you, their is the option not to tell both your parents the same time ...start with your mum. Don't shock her do it gently then see how it goes. If you think its necessary or it would make a difference..you could ask a bit of help from someone you really trust that wouldnt make a mess and could be a positive influence to your parents.

Reading this looong reply again jeez... I wont bore ya anymore, just add here that going out to the ones you care about is a very liberating feeling and makes you feel happier and more confident with life.Confusedmile:


Time spent being less than happy is time waistedWavey

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#7
Coming out is difficult when its parents that are either Homophobics or homo haters. I told my mom and stepfather and they were like 'okay,just dont let me see anything'. My dad would disown me so I'm gona tell him soon and make him meet my partner. The point is that ou shouldnt be afraid,and your parents should except you for who you are.
Invasion
#8
Your question reminded me of this email that I received a few years back. There was this girl who wanted to tell something to her mother and wrote her a letter. She made up a story about what supposedly happened to her and every lie she wrote got worse and more shocking. By the end of it she had contracted syphillis from her HIV+ black housemate who had cut off her spleen and broken all her bones in a car accident in an attempt to commit suicide. Then she finished the letter telling her mum that it was all fiction and that she got an F grade in her assessment. She just wanted to put it into a better perspective!

(You could use that trick perhaps and let us know the results)

Jokes aside...

You'll know when you're ready to tell them. At the same time it's a good exercise to come out to people, close and not so close - it will help you come to terms with your sexuality more. It's a liberating experience which will define your identity more clearly.

After I told my parents I remember realising how hard it must feel to, all of a sudden, have to change the image of your child that you've had for twenty years. You thought you knew him, and there you go... I find that my relationship with my parents grew stronger over the years. Give them time, love them despite what they might say. They will not know any better.
#9
My parents weren't upset, just, sahll we say a litle disspointed.. not for the fact i WAS gay, but that they knew they wouldn't have any grandkids.. which in itself actually sounds a bit selfish on their part i must admit.
#10
Hi. I am Bi and i have told my mum and she was ok about it. Dont know how i would tell ma dad coz he is really old fashioned and he wants me to get married. Yer i wud like to get married but cant hide the fact that i like men too.

Its tricky.


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