Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
not sure what to think
#1
Have be in an email and text conversation with this one guy for quite a while now and have meet him twice with some reservations about what he is like. Well this week in a text he asked if I j.o. which I though was a bit forward but then again not really sure if thats the kind of stuff that is openly talked about between gay guys. Then he said he wanted to play with me and ask if he could, which I was kind of thrown off guard about his forwardness and not to mention he wants to f**k me as well. So it was nice to know that he is a top a because I think I'm a bottom.

So a day or 2 went by and I contemplated the whole idea of having sex with him, so I asked him what he was doing Saturday and he said he had a date which kind of crushed things there, and I though he was one that wanted to take things slowly and get to know me, plus he said he was a christian man so I thought that we where on the same page, but seems like he took the guy home with him.

I'm lost really don't know what to do. It seems like I really know how to pick not the right ones.
#2
Hi dlboy,

I am sorry it did not work out with him.
You are such a sweet guy, don't fret too much , your perfect guy is out there.
It sounds to me like he doesn't know what he wants.

You did nothing wrong .

Bighug
#3
When I first started talking to a few gay guys, I kind of ran into a similar problem. I don't sextext or any of that stuff and it did shock me at first. I distinctly remember asking a wiser friend, is this how it is? :eek:

Well, what worked for me was I set limits to what I was comfortable with and it actually became my "screening" process. At first, I was, "gee I don't want to be mean," and "it's not that big a deal, right?" then I got pissed at myself, and told myself, "you don't like it, put an end to it." So, if someone requested or sent a picture of a private part, I stopped chatting with them. If someone wanted to jo online, I said goodbye. That attitude kind of carried over to dating for me.

I know this situation with this guy was discouraging and disappointing but I think you are learning what YOU want and how to navigate this weird world in which we live. I really admire that you are proactive and that you put yourself out there.

I asked my bf a LOT of questions and I watched how he acted at school events, how people treated him and how he treated others, not just how he treated me. We also went out with friends not always by ourselves. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be afraid to call the shots. Don't be afraid to set the pace. Don't be afraid to just date, if that's what you want -- just be upfront about it.

I know it sounds cliché, and I apologize, but the right one will wait how ever long you need until you are comfortable.
[COLOR="DarkSlateBlue"]Deep wells must be dug
If you want clear water
Rose-red oh Rose-red
deep waters don’t run still

~ Rammstein - Rosenrot[/COLOR]

Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next. ~ Jonas Salk

You don't shine by putting out someone else's light.
#4
dlboy53 Wrote:Have be in an email and text conversation with this one guy for quite a while now and have meet him twice with some reservations about what he is like. Well this week in a text he asked if I j.o. which I though was a bit forward but then again not really sure if thats the kind of stuff that is openly talked about between gay guys. Then he said he wanted to play with me and ask if he could, which I was kind of thrown off guard about his forwardness and not to mention he wants to f**k me as well. So it was nice to know that he is a top a because I think I'm a bottom.

So a day or 2 went by and I contemplated the whole idea of having sex with him, so I asked him what he was doing Saturday and he said he had a date which kind of crushed things there, and I though he was one that wanted to take things slowly and get to know me, plus he said he was a christian man so I thought that we where on the same page, but seems like he took the guy home with him.

I'm lost really don't know what to do. It seems like I really know how to pick not the right ones.

Sorry it didn't work out but I think this guy knows exactly what he wanted. And actions speak louder than words. He wanted more action, less words, so he found someone who put out and let you know.

I think if you're just looking for a physical relationship then he could be a candidate, but I doubt you'd get anything more than quick sex out of him--NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS, his actions tell you what he wants.

Best,
LB.
#5
Clarity is needed and should be used.

You strike me as a person who is 'old fashion' and has certain needs (not mere wants) in order to be comfortable in a relationship. What you need to do is figure out a nice way of telling potential suitors what those 'needs' are.

I am an old fashion guy. I have needs - those needs means that I make guys wait before we slip into bed.

I would tell guys who I met that I had a few ground rules.

1. I'm looking for a long term monogamous relationship, I don't do casual sex.
2. I prefer to wait a while, date and see what other common interests we have before jumping into bed.
3. We can talk about sex, limits and roles, but do not expect that to lead to bed.... immediately.

Yes, many potential would be suitors walked before I finished line one.

I get these out on the first date. Sometimes at the first meeting, especially those guys who walked up with drink in hand for me and gave me some odd pick-up line, weed out those weeds as soon as they crop up - saves lots of time and hassle later on.

I make certain that we are on the same page. No false hopes, no misunderstandings. Yes, many first dates will end right there, but these guys are not wanting what you need.

Better to know on the first date than 2-5 dates later when you 'drop the bomb'. He most likely assumed you were just playing hard to get, or he just figures that you are not that into him and he goes wandering off to the next tight hole....

I used to think that talking about sex was a huge social no-no. It isn't. Well it can be if you are in the middle of a posh restaurant ticking off the positions you will do. There is a right place and a right time to discuss sexual matters.

Gay men are usually more open to talking about sex, in privacy its ok to discuss what it is you like to do and not do. In fact when it comes to potential relationship material its nice to know BEFORE you invest hundreds of dollars in food, wine and dance that the guy you are wanting to have a relationship with is a top/bottom, into S&M or not, into golden showers, scat, latex, fisting, etc... After all if you are not into being tied up and having a fist inserted up your ass you sure don't want to find out he is into that when he has you tied down....Wink

"because I think I'm a bottom"

I take it to mean you haven't had sex with another guy. Well you need to be honest about this and let potential suitors know. Did this guy know that you haven't had sex with a guy before? If yes then he just wasn't interested, if no then he he didn't know, thus he figured you were a prude. Had he known he may have been far more receptive to taking things slowly understanding that this is all new for you.

There is also this whole world of experiences that you haven't tried, so this is going to make the whole 'lets talk about what you like (in bed)' conversation a bit tricky because you lack experiences.

Yeah sure, you can pretty much know if the idea of a fist up the butt is a 'hot' idear or not so can be certain if the idea absolutely terrifies you, that you will not be into it. But other things like 'Am I a top, am I a bottom, am I versatile?' become tricky. The idea of a dick up the ass is not the same thing as having one up the ass. Many guys love the idea, they do not like the experience.

Set reasonable boundaries and goals - sit down and right up a list of the 5 most important things you need for a relationship, then select the three most important and make certain that somewhere in that first date you tell the guy 'these are the three must haves'. If you don't, you will be wasting a lot of your time, their time and most likely will not get what it is you are looking for.
<---<< >>--->

[SIZE=4]I told you I had the body of a 25 year old....

[Image: 57929.jpg?v=1]
[/SIZE]
#6
it might be fun, but if your not 110% comfortable kick him down the road like a rock. and from what you have told us about him, he sounds like a douche bag....sorry to be so blunt, but thats how i feel. if you ever want/need to talk hit me up. i do believe you have my number, or send a pm, or on fb.

your awesome!!! keep your chin up!!!!
#7
couldnt leave my post count at 6 6-6. sorry had to change it
#8
dlboy53 Wrote:I'm lost really don't know what to do. It seems like I really know how to pick not the right ones.

The fact he responded back to you and said what he did indicates his expectations didnt match yours but its no big. you know this particular instance is not so much about you picking the right one. Its about knowing what you want and going after it.

There is noting wrong with sex, everyone will say your the whore just because they are not getting it. Balance this with your initial thought that you didnt feel comfortable up front. Be careful, think it through.
#9
thanks guys for the life ups and thank bowyn for your pointers. I can say this has been an eye opener and I'm glad that I have this form to chat on.
#10
dlboy53 Wrote:Have be in an email and text conversation with this one guy for quite a while now and have meet him twice with some reservations about what he is like. Well this week in a text he asked if I j.o. which I though was a bit forward but then again not really sure if thats the kind of stuff that is openly talked about between gay guys. Then he said he wanted to play with me and ask if he could, which I was kind of thrown off guard about his forwardness and not to mention he wants to f**k me as well. So it was nice to know that he is a top a because I think I'm a bottom.

So a day or 2 went by and I contemplated the whole idea of having sex with him, so I asked him what he was doing Saturday and he said he had a date which kind of crushed things there, and I though he was one that wanted to take things slowly and get to know me, plus he said he was a christian man so I thought that we where on the same page, but seems like he took the guy home with him.

I'm lost really don't know what to do. It seems like I really know how to pick not the right ones.

it didn't work out. i jo online w/ the guy i loved n even slept with him as i thought we might work it out. but u know, it didn't. it just hurt. u will get nth from him finally
hmmm...actually it's good for u since u didn't do it. it's a lesson dude


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)