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therapists
#1
ok, so i have been stuffing my feelings and who i am for a long ass time..... ever since about 94-95. allot of it has to do with the neglect that i feel i received from my father im sure. the only attention he paid to me was when i played baseball which i hated, or negative attention. my mother was pretty passive. she followed my dads lead. with the added stress of coming to terms with and accepting myself, i feel that this emotional cargo that i am carrying has become to much for me to deal with on my own. so, i have started seeing a therapist that specializes in glbt issues. my question is, who has seen a therapist? was it helpful to find clarity and peace with yourself? and do you have any advice for me? any who. im kinda scared for what the sessions are going to dig up. but i know it is going to be for the better Confusedmile:
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#2
I see a therapist, its been almost a year since I started seeing one. I can't say my experiences will be like yours since I don't exactly know what your problems are or how your therapist will approach it.

For me, its all about my thoughts and how I cannot fathom what 'happiness' is. How I search for connections to people but can never seem to make them (or they get cut off). How I believe I have to act a certain way for everyone, but when I'm alone I feel disattached to everything. I've been working towards changing my thoughts and thus my feelings, but its not easy and I'm still feeling the sadness. And it seems no matter what I do to make a connection with people, it falls flat and I continue to degrade myself.

The approach your therapist takes will most likely be different from mine. But really its up to you, in your mind, to make the change.
In the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't. You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair... but its the way things are. The choice is yours. ~ Zidane Tribal

Hope is comforting, it allows us to accept fate no matter how tragic it may be. ~ Yunalesca

"Απο μακρυά και αγαπημένοι παρά απο κοντά και μαλωμένοι"

There's not a word yet, for old friends who've just met ~ Gonzo
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#3
I saw a therapist *briefly*. I was just out of college, about 23 or 24 years of age. I was a virgin, shy, introverted, confused about my sexuality, etc...

He wanted me to date men and women and that scared the shit out of me, so I stopped going.

Rolleyes

You know, now I'm older, and let me tell you...people call therapists "head-shrinkers" or "rent-a-friends"...and you know what? In a way they're right.

Well, they don't shrink heads, but I've noticed that when I have a problem that I discuss with my very best friends, it FEELS a little bit like therapy. They KNOW me, they understand the problem and they help me find a solution.

But here's the catch, if you can't talk to even your BEST friends about your "problems" or "issues" then you should probably see a professional.

I've done A LOT of fine tuning over the past 20 years all by MYSELF. Could a professional have done that for me, a lot quicker? Honestly, I don't know. Because we as humans DON'T CHANGE until we're ready for a change, and it's usually some sort of crisis (near death or mid-life, etc) that precipitates this change.

Whatever you choose, just try to live in the most honest and genuine manner you can. Both for your sake and the sake of those who are important to you.

Best wishes.
Smile
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#4
The most I can say is I'm be here for you if you need, but the one thing I find most helpful is to take it 1 day at a time don't get bogged down on what ifs that just makes it worse.
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#5
Everyones expereinces of seeing a therapist are different, some people think it helps others don't. I saw one briefly for issues I was having and to be honest it didn't work for me I found it patronising and as I am not a fan of talking to others about my problems I found it annoying. Like I said it might work for you or it might frustrate the hell out of you. Best of luck in whatever outcome you achieve. :-)
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#6
with regards to accepting my sexuality i didnt need to see one... Despite my father walking out aged 2 months and not being in my life i have accepted i am who i am and i cant change it if i try i am unhappy.... Since living my life for me things have got easier to say the least
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#7
I haven't seen a therapist... I have seen many - there were two who quit while I was their patient... I assumed my horror stories were a bit too much for them Wink.

Basically what a therapist does is help you to direct your 'talking'.

S/he will ask you a gazillion times 'And how does that make you feel?'.

This annoying parroted phrase will become the phrase you most likely hate the most, however it is essential and a decent therapist will ask it at the right time getting you to stop in your thoughts and actually think about how you are feeling or how this thing makes you feel.

I have had many minor eureka moments with therapists all because they caused me to stop and ponder the item I am discussing from a different perspective.

Another thing a therapist will do is give you 'tools' to deal with and work through issues.

EXAMPLE: I have flash-backs. Before the days of the internet I had to rely on a therapist to teach me this: http://drdeborahserani.blogspot.com/2006...backs.html

Identifying my triggers was problematic for me in many instances, its 'complicated' - my therapist(s) walked through my day to day life, got me to question things happening before and during the flashback thus helping me to identify 'triggers' that 'set me off'.

Through the decades just knowing that X will Trigger C has helped a great deal. Instead of traveling on the way back machine and playing out the event(s) of the past, I can pretty much halt the process. Yes I experience the same emotional memories (the feelings) but I do not always 'live through' the event(s) like they are a movie.

A therapist will help you to identify things that are outside of the nominal parameters of human experience. AKA - "normal". Most of us who are in therapy have no idea what is 'normal' and what is not. We have come to expect pain as being 'normal' for Y because that is what we have always known. While healthy folk do not experience pain when Y happens. We need someone to point out that Y is not supposed to hurt, and once we can identify this 'fact' we can see what we need to do to 'cope with' and 'get around' the pain of Y.

Most of my drinking and using drugs were due to self medicating. I used alcohol to 'treat' my summer mania, I used cocaine and meth (primarily) to treat my winter blues. I also used to escape lots of pain from events in my life. I craved alcohol and drugs for years - I was a 'dry drunk' - Meaning while I wasn't drinking I was constantly thinking about drinking/using.

Until I started dealing with the underlying issues and until I discovered that I am not bi-polar nor am I chronically depressed, I suffer from seasonal affected disorder where light and temperature sets me on highs and lows. Once a therapist helped me to pull back the layers of the onion and see more of my life and understand where I am/was my cravings to 'self medicate' were strong.

I can (and have on rare occasions) had a (just one) alcoholic drink. I drank because I wanted to, not because I needed to. I had one drink and was able to move on without the terrible need to have another drink and another and another. While AA and NA did help me to quit the self destructive downward spiral, it was a therapist who helped me to see the 'why' behind my addictions that relieved me of the 'need' to use/drink - mostly. There are times when I need a drink. Today I can clearly identify those times and know when to steer clear of the spirits.

Therapy is a processes, a long drawn out slow revelation of yourself to yourself.

There are no quick fixes, there are few instant answers. There will, most likely, be many minor epiphanies along the way. Over time you will gain a sense of perspective and learn tools to deal with those 'bad moments'. You will learn the coping skills.

No - you will not be cured, no those events that caused whatever will not just evaporate, they are with you for life. What will change is your perspective on those events and how you allow those events to govern today.
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[SIZE=4]I told you I had the body of a 25 year old....

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#8
wakeboarder Wrote:ok, so i have been stuffing my feelings and who i am for a long ass time..... ever since about 94-95. allot of it has to do with the neglect that i feel i received from my father im sure. the only attention he paid to me was when i played baseball which i hated, or negative attention. my mother was pretty passive. she followed my dads lead. with the added stress of coming to terms with and accepting myself, i feel that this emotional cargo that i am carrying has become to much for me to deal with on my own. so, i have started seeing a therapist that specializes in glbt issues. my question is, who has seen a therapist? was it helpful to find clarity and peace with yourself? and do you have any advice for me? any who. im kinda scared for what the sessions are going to dig up. but i know it is going to be for the better Confusedmile:

I have seriously been considering it. It would be nice to have some guidance
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#9
I had a wonderful therapist who I credit with saving my life BUT...before I found her I was screwed as I had sought out and rejected a dozen or more who I could have helped more than they could have helped me.

I was really really really really really really really really lucky...this woman worked almost exclusively with empaths and most people don't even know or understand what an empath is....as opposed to just having empathy...an empath is forced to have empathy whether they like it or not and it manifests itself emotionally, spiritually and the really scary one...physically...

She taught me how to separate my own feelings from those around me...she taught me how to protect myself and how to understand myself and what happens to me.

I use the tools she gave me to this very day and they work. I can boil it down to the simplest formula and have done so for many years but it took awhile getting to that point.

The thing to remember..we are all different and it is really important to find someone who you know can hear what you are saying and someone who you feel comfortable with. If you don't feel comfortable with the person...find someone who you do feel comfortable with.

I am not going to go into the details of the therapy because it is too personal for me to share it here and it would take too long even to unfold...I went for many years...I would highly recommend therapy to anyone and everyone...

...good luck to you wakeboarder!
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#10
I have never seen a therapist in my life. My mother tried to take me for counselling back in the 80's. I refused. I never really had issues with myself that I couldn't work through on my own. I had issues with other people in my life who I thought should have had counselling, like my father...but even electric shock therapy wouldn't have helped him.

By my early to mid 20's I figured it all out, forgive those morons that impacted me negatively, but never ever tell them that I forgave them, they didn't deserve to know...then just completely erase them from my life as if they ddn't exist.

I have since learned to surround myself with happy, positive, loving and supporting people...and now the greatest hurt of my life is seeing others suffer, especially teens and youths at the hands of bullies and the likes.

Counselling/therapy wasn't/isn't/will never be for me...if I want to spill my guts to stranger I will go next door and chat with the rabid St. Bernard.

I understand others need the assistance and guidance, and if you believe or know that it helps then I support your decision to seek assistance.

I have the same views on gay marriage...I wouldn't want it for myself in a million years, but I will support any bills to legalise marriage because it is something that others want and there is no reason not to have.
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