What's on Your Mind

[CASH]

So there I am sitting on the veranda taking pot shots at the neighbor's kids when the phone rings.

It's YOURNAME.

He says He's down at the mall (I know, how unusual, right?) and He is being unfairly persecuted for His religious beliefs and can I come on over with a camera crew and PLEASE do something about it???

So I ask just how MUCH Nyquil has He had and has He been sniffing the hairspray again.

He SWEARS He is sober (I know, for ONCE, right???) and just needs a glamorous friend to help Him get His Q-Score up high enough for the Networks to pay attention.

So I down a few bottles of wine and head over.

Turns out some mall cop told Him to stop running thru Holt Renfrew in a hood screaming Pagan epithets.

I pointed out that they would have probably looked the other way had He worn more than just socks and a belt.

The camera crew just had pizza and went home.