What's on Your Mind

[Jay]

I actually do not know when the triathlon will be, but I know it is this summer... No idea how long it is, whether it is a super sprint or something longer... I've timed a few triathlons with the same guy who talked me into doing one...and it was 1.2 mile swim, 17 mile bike and I think something like a 6.2 mile run... I know there are much longer courses...in fact he puts on a race in the summer a 5k (3.1 mile) swim across the lake...

At any rate I think I can get decent enough to at least complete the race, I know I'm not going to win, I mean not saying it isn't impossible but unlikely, I think I missed the mark to be at that level of competition, so for me it is just the goal of doing it.

I think it would be a major accomplishment for me. The only thing that I worry about is myself getting negative thoughts about things... That seems to fuck up more things is just thinking negatively about myself, things going on in my life. Being happy, being positive isn't as easy... I can sort of relate to how I was swimming for the first time last week... trying to get in the rhythm of exhaling under water and inhaling in the middle of a stroke, the mechanics aren't easy. Nothing seems to be very easy, especially at first, again it is mind over matter... I think I really. truly know what it means now.

How shall I say this, don't think at all during the competition. Let your mind be a bit blank. Just be there at the starting line and off you go.

The night before I did my 10k race, I was ready to withdraw and not showing up at the race. Doubts and negative thoughts suddenly roamed around that night. I was thinking what if my injured leg gives out in the middle of the race.

But I forced myself to go to the race on next morning. Bit scared and all. But I rather fail to try then not trying at all. You have to do something crazy or out of your comfort zone once in your life.

So there I was at the starting line. I was in the middle of a big crowd of marathon runners. Everyone was so excited and pumped out. I switched on my music. I stayed calm and I got myself ready in position.

Then off we went.

I ran and just, ran. I didn't think about my surrounding. I just focused on my music.

After the first 500m, I suddenly had tears strolling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe that I was running in a half marathon. I thought, "Jay, you were morbid obese; you can barely walk 10 years ago and look where you are now."

At 5km, my injured leg begins to act up. But I continued to run; on a slower phase. My leg went back to normal few minutes afterward. So I sped up my phase.

Next thing I know, I crossed the finish line. It was the greatest feeling ever.

Yeah, I agree with you. Don't think about winning. Think about completing the competition within your own phase.

Put in your mind, you're a badass. You're competing in a triathlon. Not everyone can do it.

I always remind myself that I'm a badass when I'm about to do something crazy/challenging like entering a competition or even carrying heavier weights in a gym. The word 'badass' transmits a positive and bold message to my entire body.