What's on Your Mind

[Dreamer]

Doing my best... enjoying some wine, right now... my mother got ill last year, and died on April 9th this year.... I had a rough time, and attempted suicide twice, shorty following the trauma of watching her slowly wither away for months into a vegetable, to her dead cold body in hospice. I'm finally detoxed from my psychiatric medications, and I'm getting back on my two feet; fighting this depression and self-hatred. She was an alcoholic, and succumbed to wet brain and excruciating pain from her dying liver... I was her best friend, and she was mine (despite consistent turbulent times in our relationship), and her care giver until she passed. Once, in hospital, she had a blood transfusion once, and died because the hospital refused to treat her ulcers or give her additional blood transfusions due to the stigma of poverty, mental illness, and the fact that she lacked any health insurance. A representative from hospice told me how the local system works where I live; she told me to fight for my mom and how, because she wasn't really dying, but being neglected behind my back (she wasn't admitted to hospice the first time around because the "hospitalist" team paperwork that patients, nurses, and families are barred from seeing told her just that) I want to sue them, but my lawyer said that a trail would favor the doctors because everyone sees them as gods, but what I experienced was intentional neglect, nursing abuse, and Dr.'s that gave 0 fucks about my mother, and more about their paycheck....

I want justice for her, but I'm scared to fight for it... vent over.. thanks for reading, if you did..