How can I become comfortable being gay?

[Hellie]

Thats whats happed with my family, I think its because in my family its always been taboo to talk about sex/relationships and the like.

I think that's definitely a part of it too. I mean, I also get nervous when I see blatant sexual acts on tv with my family, even if it is between a man and a woman. However, when it's between a gay couple, it can be something as mundane as the couple staring at each other intently or holding hands or kissing, ect. So even these really non-sexual acts still get me to feel nervous. And of course the actual sexual acts make me very uncomfortable.

I don't think I could ever say to someone; "That guy's hot" or "I really feel I need to find a boyfriend". I just can't physically say those words(Its extremely hard for me to say the words "gay" or "sex", even when theres no one's around!:eek.

The problem with me is that I can do that with men that I find attractive. I can say out loud, "He's so hot. I'd do him." in like a joking manner and have laughs with my sister or sometimes even my mom (she's a rather young woman so we kid around about a lot of things). But with women, I don't feel comfortable just saying, "Wow. She's hot. I'd so do her." There have been a few times when I've sort of tried doing that and I feel really uncomfortable afterward.

But I do know what you mean about the whole sex issue. It's something that in general I find very awkward and uncomfortable to discuss with any of my family members.

When you say you feel embarrissed when you see "Homosexual acts", do you mean in general? Or only when you're around other people who know your gay?

It's mostly when I'm around other people who know I'm gay because I feel as though they are thinking, "Well she must be getting turned on by her.." or by "this and that" and that makes me very uncomfortable. If I'm on my own, I don't get as embarrassed, although sometimes I do. It's just that seeing gay people (men or women) together isn't that common for me so it will either excite me a lot or embarrass me. And even though that sounds quite contradictory, it happens to me (when I'm alone) depending on the movie, book, couple, circumstance, ect.

Personaly I don't think you are homophobic, its just the way you were raised.

I would agree with that. I mean, I don't think I'm homophobic where it counts. I don't ever harbor feelings of hate towards anyone who is gay, but I think growing up in our society I still have some homophobic tendencies.

It's like this show I saw on Oprah talking about some of the racists stereotypes we have, and the example given was how when we (it was mostly about 'women') walk in a dark or solitary street we tend to feel nervous or scared when we see black men but not so much when we see white men. Well, the notable discovery of that research was that it also happened to black women. So, black women too held this stereotype over black men.

Well, for me, even though I'm a gay, I still have some stereotypes in grained in me, like recently I've caught myself saying or thinking, "That's so gay" to situations where men are doing something that isn't positive, and I know that comes from a place of hate and ignorance and it's so strange because I can't believe I'm gay and saying stupid things like that. I mean, I'm trying to get better. I'm catching myself saying these things and consciously stopping, but these thoughts *are* on my mind.

Oh and.......
Welcome!:biggrin:

Ha! Thanks! :redface: