What's on Your Mind

[IanSaysHi]

I’ve written this post about three times over the last week but deleted each time before posting, maybe this time I will post.

I have been through a bit of a rough patch lately which was why I wasn’t here very much lately. It’s all mental health related which I find hard to talk about with others, as despite progress in recent years I feel there’s still a bit of a stigma attached, plus my ”˜issue’ is all related to caring too much about what other people think which makes me over-analyse.

Work has been a bit overwhelming over the last few months, it’s been busier than ever and I have always had a slightly intense work ethic, so I over clock the hours, care too much about what I do and lose sleep over it. My job does involve a LOT of responsibility/pressure with unusual situations. My efforts have paid off and I’ve just got a promotion which is great. However about a month ago I got really sick (physically), not sure if it was manifesting my subconscious but when I spoke to the doctor a lot of stuff unexpectedly came out and I got signed off with stress. I spent over two weeks afraid to leave the house, spending a lot of time in my room with the blind shut. I stopped responding to friends and hardly spoke to my family (with them I just gave generic answers and pretended I was okay). In these situations I kind of go into a protective bubble, both for me as I just find it hard to communicate, but also for my nearest and dearest as I feel no-one needs to hear from me when I’m down. It was pretty horrible and I spent a lot of time just wanting to be asleep.

The only good thing about a couple of instances like this in the past is knowing I just had to give it time and that I would get through it. I am feeling a lot better in the last week, it got a bit better when I finally started talking to people and then saw my family.

I am returning to work on Monday, I am obviously anxious (“what will people think?” etc) but work have been great and put some things in place to support my return.

I needed to share this for two reasons; one because it’s good to just get it all out of my head and out there. I haven’t gone into this much detail in ”˜real life’ apart from with a couple of friends. Secondly, like I said before, I do feel there can still be a stigma about mental health issues and talking about them. I would always encourage anyone who ever finds themselves struggling to talk to SOMEONE, it can be very hard but it really can help start the healing process. Also I am always happy to ”˜listen’ on here to anyone who just needs to vent their own problems because I find it easier to help others than to accept help myself

Ian