Annoyance...

[InbetweenDreams]

I think you should figure out if you would be OK with him doing what he does or if it is going to be a dealbreaker for you. Everyone probably has some qualities/habits that are going to be annoying so ask yourself do the annoyances outweigh the good stuff? - or maybe the annoyances are way too much to handle no matter how good he rest of it is? OR - what if the bottom line is that he does not change at all? Could you accept that?

Well, that's the thing. I can probably work on the him buying cars but probably has to be him making wiser choices on what he buys. It doesn't make any sense to not check the oil on a 31 year old car before buying and having the expectation that it will run and drive. That's the WTH thing for me about it. The job thing, well I guess "Annoyance" isn't really the best title because it isn't so much that I am annoyed about him complaining about his job but that he won't put any effort into it. He says he knows that he should look for a job and so on, I mean I have been kindly suggesting that he look for another job and even walked him through making an Indeed account, and that's where we quickly found that dealership job, we looked at stuff for maybe 5 minutes. I really am trying to drive home that this is a good time to change jobs if you're wanting to change jobs.

I don't want to do it for him, he will either resent me or just won't put effort into it because he doesn't want it enough. Here's what I mean...

Around 2008-2009 I dated a guy named Lee. He had a paper route for the Atlanta Journal (newspaper) and long story short he lost his job because they stopped delivering papers up to north GA. So being unemployed and me now having to fund our weekends I would have to drive 30 miles to pick him up, bring him to my place (there was a good reason) and have to pay for dinner and whatever we did. I picked up job applications for him from all over. He was supposed to fill them out, except that not only could you not read his name, he left all kinds of stuff blank. It pissed me off because I was trying to help and he wasn't taking it seriously. I have shitty handwriting but I can make it so people can read my name on stuff. I also brought him to work (I had permission from my then boss) in hopes that he might be able to get part time work. Of course he gets into an argument with my boss in some stupid pissing contest and made a fool out of me. My boss made it clear to not bring him back.

So I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder you could say about going out of my way to help someone with this stuff. My worry is that this being his first job is that he won't have gone through the wonderful experience of job hunting and dealing with all that. I mean it sucks, but it must be done. It also concerns me that he might blow large sums of money when perhaps that money might be needed for rent or something. Not that I have room to talk, I have made plenty of mistakes with money and continue to do dumb shit myself. I guess I need to know whether I am being reasonable or not. While I have discussed things with him I have been not all too demanding. It's not like I have given him an ultimatum or scolded him about anything...but like my posts I do tend to ramble on about things.

I had a  real quirky involuntary litmus test for guys and I could be totally interested in a guy BUT if he made fun of other people's appearances or droned on about how "hot" this or that person was - my interest went away totally and instantly. Hearing that crap is worse than fingernails on a chalkboard for me. I never told any of them why I stopped being interested - I kinda "ghosted" them before the term "ghost" was  ever used to describe it. 

If I could do it all over again I might have explained but still would not be interested so maybe communication could be the key. Ask him if he can change that habit or if it is not something he is willing to do.

That is a tough one to get over because a lot of guys are all about that. I get it, it's kind of like hearing someone tell me that I'm sexy, I'm like...liar, but it is a weird feeling being told that because I don't think of myself being "sexy." However, I do see that appearance and physical attraction do have their place I suppose. Now, the question were you in the wrong for ghosting these guys? Well, who am I to judge. I do think communication is important and something like that maybe explaining that early on might be helpful so they don't make that mistake, or just be able to open up and discuss stuff.