Annoyance...

[InbetweenDreams]

So here's an update. Again, I might repeat some things I have already mentioned in the thread. He works or up until recently worked at an animal hospital, working as a kennel tech and was one of a few people who did...they were short staffed. I don't truly know what all was going on but there were some tensions about my presence at the pride parade (the one I made a thread about) from his (now former) bosses. Apparently they had been telling him he should break up with me, apparently being echoed by at least one other co-worker. Not sure why exactly as he's not told me, not that it matters. I haven't done anything to him that warrants them telling him what he should do. Now, remember, we live 170 miles apart, he's having to take a couple Sundays off each month. We usually take turns seeing each other. I try splitting things 50/50 as close as I can but I also don't keep track of things that close. All I know is that who's paying for what and who's seeing who had come up (which is none of their business but why he's divulged those details to them, well who knows). I do think they intruded on his privacy by asking him all about me and what we do and who's seeing who and whether I'm going to pride. Apparently it was said that if I didn't show up at pride, mind you is 4 hours away from me, that he ought to break it off with me.

Long story short, a couple weeks ago, he walked out of his job after getting into a confrontation with one of his bosses. Apparently he forgot to give a dog their flea and tick medicine on a day where there was ~30 dogs in the kennel and as usual also shorthanded. The boss goes on a tirade about it, telling him he's not going to be able to take Sunday's off, asking what else around here doesn't get done and so on. He calls me hysterical, crying. I thought someone had died, I had to calm him down over the course of maybe 20 minutes. Because I'm not mad that he walked out. His parents aren't mad that he walked out. I do think he should have taken my advice and worked his resume 6 months ago and looked for another job back then, would have been a lot less traumatic to deal with.

Which brings me to my frustration....

I'm not frustrated that he quit his job. I'm not frustrated that he's going to take a couple weeks off before he looks, I actually suggested that myself. It is the procrastination. Take the vaccine thing for instance. I suggested he get the vaccine before we went to the Outer Banks in July, here we are, almost the end of the year and he's not done it. You don't have to even make an appointment now at many places. So what's the problem? I don't know. I ask him about it he tells me "I will..." in a tone that says I know I should but I probably won't.

Last week he mentioned something about a job at the school where his mom works, something about a teacher's aid of some sort. I didn't realize it at the time but it is an active job listing. He hasn't spent one second working on his resume. I went through and started one for him, all he needs to do is fill in some blanks. I couldn't have made it easier. I asked him if that was something he wanted to apply for because if it is an active listing it might not posted two weeks from now and that he needed to hurry up and get his resume finished so he can start applying for things he's interested in. He told me two things in our talk about this. One is that he doesn't want to apply for anything yet because he's worried he might get a call that will interfere with our weekend trip next weekend. I told him in most cases that would be unlikely, I mean sure there are places that might ask you to start immediately but probably not at a school district...and that's a crap shoot anyway. The second thing he's worried about is that a new job will mean we won't be able to see each other. That might be true, but I told him that we would cross that bridge when we get there because there's no way to know where he's going to work and what kind of schedule he's going to have. Frankly, he should realize that it is a temporary thing and that getting 3-day weekends off is a rarity in itself. Like I'm very fucking lucky to have a 4 day work week. I know he wants to see me as often as possible but it is silly to let that get in the way of employment. I told him I got vacation time I can take and the long term should be the goal basically.

He tells me that he is still upset and cries over the incident at his workplace. I get it, it was a traumatic experience and he's got to work through that. What he can change is playing through all these thoughts and scenarios. Working himself up to tears worrying about what his boss might be saying to others about him, bad references and so on. I explained to him that all these thoughts playing through all these scenarios are one of the hallmarks of anxiety and to work on identifying thoughts like that before they start and run their course.

All that being said. I don't think this is going to work. I mean I will give him time but I feel like I am cheating myself. I'm not really happy with him. Almost each night he calls me late, before I am going to bed and I'm on the phone with him for 2 hours, almost midnight sometimes, doing what feels like a monologue. I'm just getting burned out on it. I don't want to be his parent. I hate to sound like an ass but he is in a lot of ways like an adult child, not like in a brat way, but that I have to make decisions for him, where to eat, what to do, everything it seems I have to pry it out of him. I just don't know where he's been in the last 10 years but he had this in his old resume under qualifications "I may lack experience but..." clearly you can't put something like that in a resume. I know he didn't know better but I just wonder on things like that. The thing is I don't see a way out. I mean sure, if I am cold blooded son of a bitch, sure, just end it. But I worry that doing so is going to crush him and I worry that it is going to stifle any progress he's made in the last year since we've been dating. I don't want anything bad to happen to him over me, but I don't think there is any "letting someone down easy" in any of this. I may as well be shoving someone out of a car while driving down the highway it seems (hypothetically speaking). So any thoughts on this whole conundrum would be appreciated.