What's on Your Mind

[InbetweenDreams]

I can accept my imperfection and all because I'm used to what I see. But these guys? As shallow as it sounds, my mind cannot comprehend with the idea of these men looking at my naked body with excess skin. What if they freak out? What if they walk away? So many ifs.

There's this one particular guy in my gym that I really like since 2016. Long story short, he eventually approached me at the end of last year. I automatically stepped back because I was scared. As usual. I know that the most rational thing to do is to give it a try, to give the guy a chance, probably let him know about my obese story so he can soak into my life slowly and so on but I'm scared to make that first step. 

Knowing how superficial gay community (at least in my country) can be, well that doesn't help to ease my mind.

I lost count on how many guys I've avoided and said no to because of this whole thing.

Sorry, this whole thing probably sounds shallow, petty or such but for someone who has body image problem since he was a kid (I mean because of obesity and all), this whole thing is a big deal to me. 

I know that I'm the only one who can solve this and I need to be brave, rational and all. I've tackled a lot of things in my life but this one is real hard to crack. But I will try my hardest to tackle this problem or I will end up regretting for the rest of my life.

It is difficult to deal with rejection coming from someone you really like. If someone really likes you for who you are that's not going to be an issue. Yes, there is a real chance that some guys will reject you because of that. That stuff hurts. I'm pretty well overweight and there's a lot of guys who won't give me the time of the day because of that. Not sure how one get's better at dealing with those type of people because it is hard for me not to feel bad about myself and feel hopeless. Just remember that sexy doesn't mean the same thing to different people, sexy doesn't always mean 6 pack abs or being a certain weight or having certain color eyes and so on. So yeah, I think you should give things a try. You have managed to do what many people fail at repeatedly, it takes an insane amount of self control and discipline and I would think that says a lot about you as a person and I think other people would agree.