08-27-2012, 04:41 AM
Hi...
I'm a newly single mom, leaving a 12+ year marriage. I'd say I regret it, but I can't regret my two children who I love more than anything or anyone in the world.
Ever since high school, I've always wondered about my sexuality. Growing up Catholic plus having ("very mild") Aspergers Syndrome sure didn't allow for certain mindsets. I wanted so bad to be a good Catholic girl. Ha.
Basically, I pretty much accepted I *might* be bi since being a teen. I held on to the notion, figuring that if I could like guys, it'd work out okay. Married the only guy I was ever with. Never in an intimate relationship with anyone else. Made out with a couple of guys, but never pursued it.
Long story short... The ex and I didn't know it, but we both felt like we may as well get married then because who else would want us? He didn't know I felt that way, and I didn't know he felt that way. For years. I mean, we enjoyed things, but it just felt lacking.
So it turns out that one of my first girl crushes as a teen is actually gay. She knew back then but hid it. One of the other girls I liked then also turns out to be gay. How ironic is that?
I feel like a hypocrite because I've long championed gay rights "because I have friends I love who are gay." And yet, I still can't say it out loud. I can barely type it. What the hell is the matter with me? I'm also afraid of people giving me a hard time saying "You just feel that way because you have a broken heart." But no, I've felt like this a long time. No, I haven't kissed another girl, or anything, but the idea doesn't gross me out like kissing guys sometimes does.
Anyway, that's the nutshell of where I am. I put in my profile that I'm bi... but I don't know that it's true. That's where I'm confused. Life would be a lot less complicated because I could at least hope to have a semblance of "normal" in the conservative community where I live. But I think that's a joke.
Where's the line between bi and gay, if there IS one???
Of course, I haven't read through other introductions, but I bet this is the kind of thing you all have heard over and over.
Anyway, that's my complicated introduction. Because even if I was ready to date (which I am not), my situation right now makes it really, really difficult to even fathom.
Thanks ~GM
I'm a newly single mom, leaving a 12+ year marriage. I'd say I regret it, but I can't regret my two children who I love more than anything or anyone in the world.
Ever since high school, I've always wondered about my sexuality. Growing up Catholic plus having ("very mild") Aspergers Syndrome sure didn't allow for certain mindsets. I wanted so bad to be a good Catholic girl. Ha.
Basically, I pretty much accepted I *might* be bi since being a teen. I held on to the notion, figuring that if I could like guys, it'd work out okay. Married the only guy I was ever with. Never in an intimate relationship with anyone else. Made out with a couple of guys, but never pursued it.
Long story short... The ex and I didn't know it, but we both felt like we may as well get married then because who else would want us? He didn't know I felt that way, and I didn't know he felt that way. For years. I mean, we enjoyed things, but it just felt lacking.
So it turns out that one of my first girl crushes as a teen is actually gay. She knew back then but hid it. One of the other girls I liked then also turns out to be gay. How ironic is that?
I feel like a hypocrite because I've long championed gay rights "because I have friends I love who are gay." And yet, I still can't say it out loud. I can barely type it. What the hell is the matter with me? I'm also afraid of people giving me a hard time saying "You just feel that way because you have a broken heart." But no, I've felt like this a long time. No, I haven't kissed another girl, or anything, but the idea doesn't gross me out like kissing guys sometimes does.
Anyway, that's the nutshell of where I am. I put in my profile that I'm bi... but I don't know that it's true. That's where I'm confused. Life would be a lot less complicated because I could at least hope to have a semblance of "normal" in the conservative community where I live. But I think that's a joke.
Where's the line between bi and gay, if there IS one???
Of course, I haven't read through other introductions, but I bet this is the kind of thing you all have heard over and over.
Anyway, that's my complicated introduction. Because even if I was ready to date (which I am not), my situation right now makes it really, really difficult to even fathom.
Thanks ~GM
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