Here Goes...

[DeepSouth]

“I’m gay” I said it to myself for the first time yesterday. Though I am only 19 I have always felt like this at least for as long as I can remember being attracted to a particular sex. Nevertheless, yesterday was the first time I said it to myself, out-loud and it felt great. Though that would be the normal course then I would of course let my friends, then of course my family. However, things are not that easy for me I come from the Deep South, like farmlands for miles south, a land still stuck in the 50’s. My parents I can recall clapping as the preacher rebuked gays to the lowest rung of hell. I recall them talking about the homosexual takeover, being gay is not something people are proud of where I am form. A gay couple brought a business groups of people in the town boycotted it. There was one openly gay kid (he was somewhat effeminate) in my graduating class people where nice to his face…but I heard the hushed whispers, people said things that as my grandpa would say “ough’t not be said”. I guess that’s what scared me as a result I’m 19, off at college, and I desperately want to be myself to everyone in fact one of my friends does know and is very accepting. Which makes me feel better it’s not so much my friends that I’m worried about its my parents and family who I know don’t like gays and I know what would happen if they knew I was. I am just like every other guy I hunt and fish. Hell, I even drive a truck haha. I too want a family. It is not that I am unhappy with who I am its I am not sure who to deal with tell my family or coming out at large. It’s not where I live know, it’s where I go home to that worries me.