09-17-2008, 10:06 PM
Hi, I have a situation and I'd really appreciate some advice from you guys ..
I have been together with my boyfriend (he's 28, I'm 27) for nearly 4 years now. He's been the third serious relationship of my life, and by far the longest and most important.
About a month ago he was feeling downcast and depressed, and upon my insistence to know what was going on he told me he had betrayed me. He did that 4 times, he said, the latter about an year earlier. Always with different people that he met on the internet, a quick shag only, no kissing, no petting, as -he said- he loved me and didn't think for a second of leaving me. Reason for this treachery: unable to control his hormones and the fact he could only be a bottom in our relationship as I'm primarily active in bed. As he put it, he wanted to find out how it feels to be top for once, and after the first time things got out of hand and he couldn't stop. He said he then managed to control himself and put an end to his nocturnal escapes, but I then found out that to stop himself he started going to chatrooms and exchange pics with other people.
He admitted he has a problem with controlling his sexual drive, and that he wants to solve it and never do these things again.
I was -and still am- shattered. This is the greatest pain he could cause me, and although he knew this and always advocated with me that random sex is something he would never do, he did what he did.
I love him, I never cheated on him and never would, but given the situation I don't really know what to do now. Should I do the same things he did to feel better, and keep staying with him? Should I take vengeance? Should I pretend nothing ever happened? Or should I just say farewell to him and try to forget he ever existed (with all the pain this implies)?
After these events I tried to get closer to him, to help him, to be propositive in taking a bottom position with him (it takes time, but I hope he understands I'll do it gladly) and to try and find out how a person you think so similar to you can in truth be so different.
But I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, and I don't think I will ever be able to forget what he did, when all of this could have been avoided if only he had spoken to me first. Don't know what to do, for both of us ...
I have been together with my boyfriend (he's 28, I'm 27) for nearly 4 years now. He's been the third serious relationship of my life, and by far the longest and most important.
About a month ago he was feeling downcast and depressed, and upon my insistence to know what was going on he told me he had betrayed me. He did that 4 times, he said, the latter about an year earlier. Always with different people that he met on the internet, a quick shag only, no kissing, no petting, as -he said- he loved me and didn't think for a second of leaving me. Reason for this treachery: unable to control his hormones and the fact he could only be a bottom in our relationship as I'm primarily active in bed. As he put it, he wanted to find out how it feels to be top for once, and after the first time things got out of hand and he couldn't stop. He said he then managed to control himself and put an end to his nocturnal escapes, but I then found out that to stop himself he started going to chatrooms and exchange pics with other people.
He admitted he has a problem with controlling his sexual drive, and that he wants to solve it and never do these things again.
I was -and still am- shattered. This is the greatest pain he could cause me, and although he knew this and always advocated with me that random sex is something he would never do, he did what he did.
I love him, I never cheated on him and never would, but given the situation I don't really know what to do now. Should I do the same things he did to feel better, and keep staying with him? Should I take vengeance? Should I pretend nothing ever happened? Or should I just say farewell to him and try to forget he ever existed (with all the pain this implies)?
After these events I tried to get closer to him, to help him, to be propositive in taking a bottom position with him (it takes time, but I hope he understands I'll do it gladly) and to try and find out how a person you think so similar to you can in truth be so different.
But I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, and I don't think I will ever be able to forget what he did, when all of this could have been avoided if only he had spoken to me first. Don't know what to do, for both of us ...
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