08-07-2016, 12:56 PM
I am new here, so I'd like to quickly explain my situation: I am an East Asian gay guy who just moved to the UK alone in a very rural area about 1.5 years ago.
This could get very lengthy. But I think the only way I could get good perspective is if I tell as much as I can. I will keep it concise as much as I can, as well.
I met this guy via dating app about 6 months ago, initially with no exact goals (open). However both of us wanted sex... and so without talking about it, we ended up at friends with benefits.
We talk about things, we go out often. We text every day, even good mornings and good nights with kisses. He let's me know all of his plans (or at least that's what I know when he told me that), and I let him know mine. I think how we get along is normal. I know myself and I am sure I can see having something serious with this guy... and so I started showing how much I am willing to. However it seems like we're not on the same page when it comes to being serious.
It might be improper to quote him here, but I really want to know what this means, if it means anything else (eg: if I need to read between the lines more). He was the one who brought up the conversation about our relationship status. I was consistent on saying to him how I like him. One of the responses he said that pinches my heart still until now (this was maybe like about 1-2 months ago):
"I think you probably want something serious and I'm always asking myself if that's what I want, and I definitely don't want to rush into anything. You know it's hard to say how one feels about things all the time as we don't always know how we feel.
"Obviously we are having a nice time doing stuff together. Yes it doesn't feel that serious and I don't know if anything will change or what would make it change. I almost feel like I am taking advantage of you, and that I'm taking you for a ride or something, but I know I'm not, but at the same time I feel I owe you something or owe you more of myself because of the things that you do for me. And I do just wonder whether you would be satisfied with us just having something casual or whether you would get bored and go elsewhere. It feels like I am stringing you along because it sounds like you want to settle down and I'm not sure.
If you were expecting things to get really serious, I cannot guarantee that. I hope that things eventually just work themselves out but I don't know if they always do."
I know that he is still chatting in the app with other guys. I don't anymore just because it is my choice not to. Because we are just casual, I know he is not doing anything wrong. And so based on what he said, and the fact that I know he is still interested on meeting other people, it leads me to think that he is just not interested about me and just keeps me around until he finds a new/right/next guy... and I can't help but feel really down when I think about this.
And now I am entering a point when I know I am starting to have more serious feelings. Things that are normally fine, now I am starting to feel hurt (as simple as - eg. if a long time has passed and I don't receive a reply from him yet, but I know he's chatting with other guys in the app)
I guess my questions are:
1) Based on your experience and Western cultural background/mindset, do you think he is (or there is a chance that he might be) telling the truth about not stringing me around? I was thinking maybe I am not just used to dating a westerner
2) It drives me crazy when I am hurting, but know that he might not have done anything wrong, and it's just because I am starting to feel things. Am I just being impatient, based on your perspective?
3) Taking into consideration the hings that he said, is it wise to bring up what I am feeling, or should I hold it off a bit more? I have to be honest that I am scared to drive him away by doing it.
This could get very lengthy. But I think the only way I could get good perspective is if I tell as much as I can. I will keep it concise as much as I can, as well.
I met this guy via dating app about 6 months ago, initially with no exact goals (open). However both of us wanted sex... and so without talking about it, we ended up at friends with benefits.
We talk about things, we go out often. We text every day, even good mornings and good nights with kisses. He let's me know all of his plans (or at least that's what I know when he told me that), and I let him know mine. I think how we get along is normal. I know myself and I am sure I can see having something serious with this guy... and so I started showing how much I am willing to. However it seems like we're not on the same page when it comes to being serious.
It might be improper to quote him here, but I really want to know what this means, if it means anything else (eg: if I need to read between the lines more). He was the one who brought up the conversation about our relationship status. I was consistent on saying to him how I like him. One of the responses he said that pinches my heart still until now (this was maybe like about 1-2 months ago):
"I think you probably want something serious and I'm always asking myself if that's what I want, and I definitely don't want to rush into anything. You know it's hard to say how one feels about things all the time as we don't always know how we feel.
"Obviously we are having a nice time doing stuff together. Yes it doesn't feel that serious and I don't know if anything will change or what would make it change. I almost feel like I am taking advantage of you, and that I'm taking you for a ride or something, but I know I'm not, but at the same time I feel I owe you something or owe you more of myself because of the things that you do for me. And I do just wonder whether you would be satisfied with us just having something casual or whether you would get bored and go elsewhere. It feels like I am stringing you along because it sounds like you want to settle down and I'm not sure.
If you were expecting things to get really serious, I cannot guarantee that. I hope that things eventually just work themselves out but I don't know if they always do."
I know that he is still chatting in the app with other guys. I don't anymore just because it is my choice not to. Because we are just casual, I know he is not doing anything wrong. And so based on what he said, and the fact that I know he is still interested on meeting other people, it leads me to think that he is just not interested about me and just keeps me around until he finds a new/right/next guy... and I can't help but feel really down when I think about this.
And now I am entering a point when I know I am starting to have more serious feelings. Things that are normally fine, now I am starting to feel hurt (as simple as - eg. if a long time has passed and I don't receive a reply from him yet, but I know he's chatting with other guys in the app)
I guess my questions are:
1) Based on your experience and Western cultural background/mindset, do you think he is (or there is a chance that he might be) telling the truth about not stringing me around? I was thinking maybe I am not just used to dating a westerner
2) It drives me crazy when I am hurting, but know that he might not have done anything wrong, and it's just because I am starting to feel things. Am I just being impatient, based on your perspective?
3) Taking into consideration the hings that he said, is it wise to bring up what I am feeling, or should I hold it off a bit more? I have to be honest that I am scared to drive him away by doing it.
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