Age-gap dating... is 18 and 21 too much?

[Altruistic_Garage926]

I’m a 20-year old, almost 21-year-old soon to be college sophomore (I turn 21 in August). If it’s relevant, I’m gay. I met this guy, a soon to be high school senior, at a nearby high school soon after starting college, and I’ve grown to absolutely love him to bits. I’ve liked people before, but I’ve never felt quite like this around someone. I love spending time with him, I love talking to him, and recently we both expressed interest in each other.

I’m worried about the age-gap, though. He’s currently 17, and will turn 18 early next year. We’ve never done anything sexual (although it is legal, where I’m at), and I’d happily wait forever if it meant being with him. I’m considering waiting a few months until he’s 18, and then entering into a relationship. It’s legal now, but I think waiting a few months couldn’t hurt, and I think he deserves a few months to think and be sure of what he wants.

Is this age gap too large (~3 1/2 years), though?

I’ve never felt like I was talking to someone any younger than myself. I never feel the cognitive dissonance I fee when talking to someone that’s younger or older or more/less mature than I am. In fact, sometimes it feels like he’s older than I am. He’s had social experiences I haven’t. On the other hand, I suffered a lot of abuse and isolation as a teenager, and am perhaps less emotionally mature than other people my age.

Whether it’s believable or not, it isn’t a sexual thing. I’m attracted to him, of course. I won’t pretend I’m not interested in sex with him. But I’m attracted to a lot of people, and I don’t want to date them. I like him as a person, a lot. Being with him makes me happy. Thinking about being with him makes me happy.

I know things could be complicated with each of us at different schools, but I’m willing to put up with that. He may move next year to a college far away, but I'm willing to face that. It doesn’t feel like putting up with anything, in fact. I’m interested in listening to him, and what’s going on in his life. I don’t mind putting in the effort. I didn’t have much socialization as a child or teenager, and I love it now. I want to be involved in his life.

My sister dated a 19-year-old at 16. It went ok for her. Many married family members have 5 or 10 year age gaps, but then again my family isn’t exactly a gold standard. I know it may be more difficult than less complicated relationships, but I'm fine with that. I'm worried only that I may be doing something wrong.

I've had responses range from that I'm a "garden variety pedophile" to "that age gap is meaningless, go for it".

I don’t know what to do. I know what I want to do, but I’m not sure if it’s right.