The world moves to fast

[Robg]

So here i am. 28 never had a meaningfull relationship, i've not had a close friend for a long time. I'm so lonely and i suffer from depression.
I worked ever since i left school and i worked hard. Being slightly feminine/androgynous and not a manly man it was a mistake to become an electrician because the people who i end up working with share very little in common with me. Working 10hrs a day getting tired leaves little time for self exploration and social activities. after a few years of this i hit a wall!

I haven't worked for 2 years now, i tried to suicide. I was very desperate. I feel very lost and wanting to know who i am and what social circles i can find happiness.
I cross dressed ALOT when on my own after work and then ra[idly increasing during the time i was unemployed. I have always wondered what is wrong with me, why do i not fit in with anyone. I really started to believe i was transgendered (maybe i am). Trouble is, i have no foundation for a healthy lifestyle. no friends very little positive in my life. I have my parents but they are so straight and hard working people.
So, with no foundation how can i really decide what i am when i can't give anything a good test. Sure i can sit at home dressed up and think this is for me but reality is not in my home on my own...
I have been out dressed to clubs and i have met a few people this way but i find the whole thing really awquard so nothing serious has ever come from it. I decided to pursue this transgenderism idea and i went to a psychotherapist but stopped once i realised there is some more basic things to fix before i can get that serious about it (living as a woman and getting hormones).
Am i transgendered? i'm not so sure, i think maybe i was just so desperate that i made myself believe it.
Maybe i have a mental disorder? aspurgers or something similar. I am not familiar with many social mental disorders.

I am now really looking for work instead of faking it to get my benefits (they didn't accept my aplication for incapacity, two legs two arms means your fit for work i guess )
I need work, i need money. I now have to go back working and i haven't figured anything out so i'll probably end up falling apart again. I hate this dumb world!
I will just have to be possitive and TRY i guess....

Hope this isn't to hard to read, i'm not very good at writing.