09-03-2011, 05:24 PM
I'm not sure how to say this so I'm just going to lay it out there.
Yesterday, My bf was on the phone with a company that was supposed to deliver some stuff to him today. They gave him the thumbs up, telling him it would be there. Then, he gets a call back an hour later telling him they need him to fax in some more information within one hour of receiving the call. He was at work. If he didn't fax them what they needed, they couldn't send the package until Tuesday, and it wouldn't arrive until Wednesday. But he NEEDED it today.
That really sucks, and he wasn't happy about it at all. I don't blame him, that's very frustrating. My issue is that he expressed his frustration with racial slurs. He and I are different races, so he mentioned that he wasn't mad at my race specifically, just others.
So here is why this is an issue for me. He has recently been coming out of the closet, and he hates stereotypes being applied to him or people referring to him or treating him a certain way without getting to know him. He refuses to accept that he did the exact same thing though. He accused ALL of this race of being incompetent, and as we all know, race in and of itself (same for sexual orientation) has nothing to do with competence. This isn't the first time he has mentioned this race either. He periodically refers to this race as generally inferior. I don't think it's just a rant as much as it is a reflection of his actual personal attitudes.
This has two major implications for me. The first is that it represents a lack of maturity. Treat others as you want to be treated, and what goes around comes around. He has no place to expect tolerance of being gay if he is intolerant against a certain race. How is he going to get upset over someone's race? The second is that when I pointed out this disparity, he tried to dismiss it. Now I'm upset that he basically disregarded what I said. I just want to yell at him, "GROW UP!"
And even if the whole confusion with this company weren't his fault, I would still have a problem with his racist remarks. BUT, he could have avoided the entire situation had he planned ahead a few days. I'm also guessing the company informed him a long time ago what his obligations were to ensure he didn't have to face any headaches or delays in periodic shipment.
So, I pointed out to him that 1, he is wrong for his racist remarks and 2, he could have avoided the situation if he had been diligent. He was upset, saying he doesn't like being corrected. I made sure to say it in a tactful manner and minimize offending him, but he still took offense. OH WELL, no one *likes* being corrected, but if anyone can correct him I should definitely be the one to do it. Think about it, if I can't tell my bf of a year and a half that he is wrong, who can tell him he is wrong? His reaction and unwillingness to accept being wrong also reflect immaturity.
Another thing that reflects a lack of maturity: This started yesterday afternoon. We have hardly spoken since then. I offered him space and time to cool off, but he is just taking this way farther than before. He has had to correct me before, and I've reacted in a similar manner, but I listen to him and accept his points. It normally gets resolved within an hour before we're on the same page again. It has been almost 24 hours since this thing started and he refuses to discuss this any further.
Now my question is, what do I do now?
Yesterday, My bf was on the phone with a company that was supposed to deliver some stuff to him today. They gave him the thumbs up, telling him it would be there. Then, he gets a call back an hour later telling him they need him to fax in some more information within one hour of receiving the call. He was at work. If he didn't fax them what they needed, they couldn't send the package until Tuesday, and it wouldn't arrive until Wednesday. But he NEEDED it today.
That really sucks, and he wasn't happy about it at all. I don't blame him, that's very frustrating. My issue is that he expressed his frustration with racial slurs. He and I are different races, so he mentioned that he wasn't mad at my race specifically, just others.
So here is why this is an issue for me. He has recently been coming out of the closet, and he hates stereotypes being applied to him or people referring to him or treating him a certain way without getting to know him. He refuses to accept that he did the exact same thing though. He accused ALL of this race of being incompetent, and as we all know, race in and of itself (same for sexual orientation) has nothing to do with competence. This isn't the first time he has mentioned this race either. He periodically refers to this race as generally inferior. I don't think it's just a rant as much as it is a reflection of his actual personal attitudes.
This has two major implications for me. The first is that it represents a lack of maturity. Treat others as you want to be treated, and what goes around comes around. He has no place to expect tolerance of being gay if he is intolerant against a certain race. How is he going to get upset over someone's race? The second is that when I pointed out this disparity, he tried to dismiss it. Now I'm upset that he basically disregarded what I said. I just want to yell at him, "GROW UP!"
And even if the whole confusion with this company weren't his fault, I would still have a problem with his racist remarks. BUT, he could have avoided the entire situation had he planned ahead a few days. I'm also guessing the company informed him a long time ago what his obligations were to ensure he didn't have to face any headaches or delays in periodic shipment.
So, I pointed out to him that 1, he is wrong for his racist remarks and 2, he could have avoided the situation if he had been diligent. He was upset, saying he doesn't like being corrected. I made sure to say it in a tactful manner and minimize offending him, but he still took offense. OH WELL, no one *likes* being corrected, but if anyone can correct him I should definitely be the one to do it. Think about it, if I can't tell my bf of a year and a half that he is wrong, who can tell him he is wrong? His reaction and unwillingness to accept being wrong also reflect immaturity.
Another thing that reflects a lack of maturity: This started yesterday afternoon. We have hardly spoken since then. I offered him space and time to cool off, but he is just taking this way farther than before. He has had to correct me before, and I've reacted in a similar manner, but I listen to him and accept his points. It normally gets resolved within an hour before we're on the same page again. It has been almost 24 hours since this thing started and he refuses to discuss this any further.
Now my question is, what do I do now?
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
