Complete Life Make Over

[mrk2010]

Hey Guys,

I need some advice well more like guidance as I'm planning on having a total life make over, improving myself and getting rid of the negative things in my life. Short story short I have never been that confident a person since I was really young, I was the shy one and didn't want to ever talk to anyone and I feel this has affected me later in life with confidence and stuff. Also in terms of how I look I would say that Im not particularly good looking, some people have said I'm good looking but I don't see it at all, I dunno I just see me. Well when I was younger maybe 16 I was quite overweight I weighed about 20 stone which is about 289lbs even though I'm a big lad and quite tall this is quite overweight, I lost the weight and got down to about 16 stone and started doing martial arts, my weight since then has never shifted and I'm, perfectly healthy and do loads of exercise etc. As of late I'm not happy with the way I look I pick every little detail out about myself and I want to change it, my teeth, my hair, my body etc. Just when you see guys out on the gay scene they are stunning and then there's me not good looking at all. I know it's bad truth be told I want to be plastic, I want the perfect body, hair and teeth and then maybe I'll be able to attract more decent looking guys. I'm even starting a £250 course of teeth whitening tomorrow to achieve this. In terms of my weight the doctor has even said that for y body type I'm ok, but I want better.

Well that's the body issues over now to the more personal stuff. I recently had a rant on gayspeak about men which was totally stupid but due to a recentish bad experience I kind of have a fear, well I just don't like men and they make me angry. I'm just having this whole wobbler lately that I don't like men and the way I see them. It's kind of I hate them but feel lonely at the same time it's kind of like a destructive cycle. If I don't talk to a man I'll be lonely but only by talking to a guy in a bar or something I'll actually meet someone. I'm just up and down lately, (not in a depression sense) but kind of intense mood swings where I wind my self up really badly. My main thing is lately jealousy I get furiously jealous over other gay guys having relationships. It's weird, I think why can't I have that? I just think its making me an angry person hence my recent gayspeak rant which I apologise for. That's the reason why I want this life make over, start afresh and get rid of all this negative energy and remove people from my life who bring out this negativity

I'm sorry if this post isn't as eloquent as usual but I have a lot to say and it's all a bit over the place, I'm staying positive though. I dunno the main thing I want to ask is have any of you had this situation and had a total life make over?

Cheers,

Mrk2010 x