Messenger

[NickyD87]

hi, my name is Nick or Nickie. I was brought up in london on a council estate and the only way to survive is to 'fit in'. As such i have a very 'manly' image and find it very difficult to deal with being gay.

Even writing this I am struggling with. I have set up a new msn address so that people don't recognise my 'usual' one. I am very keen to meet other gay people as no one I know I could possibly talk about my sexuality with.

I hope one day to move out of London, away from all the people I know here where I can be more open about things. But even thinking about that makes me seem quite scared, it is just such an alien thought to me to actually call myself 'gay' because I've had it instilled into me that 'queers' are wrong and bad people that I look down on even myself.

I hope first of all to be able to start talking to other gay people and first get used to the idea of me being gay. Help myself be comfortable with who I am myself before actually confronting the issue in 'real life'.

I'm not used to people talking about it, I've tried this before and clammed up when i got into a telephone conversation on a gay chat line so I'll need to take things slowly.

If anyone feels like having a chat about coming out etc. then please add me on msn. Maybe we could even advance to something a bit more interesting ;-) The thought scares me but turns me on at the same time. Oops, well let's get over being able to admit it in open conversation first.

Hope to speak to you soon

Nickie

[email protected]