My time

[princealbertofb]

Hi my name is Alex, on tuesday I have spoken to my wife for 15 years and I openly recognized that I am Gay and that for the last 25 years I have self-denying my feelings toward men. I have punished me all my life, I have prayed and prayed to stop craving and they always come back. I have moved around the world 10 times trying to do a fresh start and again I feel the same. I have tried meditation, tranquilizers I started to smoke compulsively and I couldn´t stop. Until last Tuesday I couldn´t hold it anymore. She is a very nice person and I don´t want to hurt her in any way, she is the mother of my two children and she have supported me all the time. She cried and cried and I tried to comfort her but I told her it was part of me and I don´t want to restrain anymore from now on, it is been so many years of suffering and internal pain, frustration. Now I like, love and accept who I am and it is part of me.

But before that something ticked in my head and I realized that my parents knew it, I understood why they denied me to study architecture or acting and my father brought me a prostitute when I was 18, terrible experience you can imagine. Even the second wife of my father told once and I denied it empathically and I felt insulted when it was the pure truth.

Then I tried to be as discreet and I met my current wife a beautiful person and I clinged to her like an anchor to my straightness but from sometime to now she started to suspect that she didn´t satisfied me sexually, she knows I am not very keen to have sex, she discovered the toys and we have spoken about this but never openly.

Now, after openly spoken and accepting I have never ever felt and still so relieved in my all life, taking this out of your chest, now stop feeling guilt or like I am doing something wrong, NO this is the way I am and for now on,

Whatever will be, will be
The future´s not ours to see
Que Sera, Sera

Thanks Guys

Well, Alex, bravo; this is never easy, which explains why you've waited so long... Your stepmother was speaking out of turn, which is probably why you denied what she was saying; it might have been different if it had been your mother or your father asking, of course.

Well, all we can do now is wish you and your family the best while you all learn to cope with this new situation, and new you. Your children will need to understand, and your wife will need to find consolation in maybe finding a new partner. Is that something you'd like to happen?

You two can decide to remain together, but sometimes the best way is to admit that separation and divorce is what is necessary. For one thing it'll give her back her liberty. You can remain friends, no doubt. But you must also expect that she'll resent you for a while.

Best wishes,
PA