09-27-2012, 06:20 PM
My condolences on your loss.
No one actually cried when my father-in-law passed. He lived a good life, was a prosperous man. No he didn't die rich in money, he had far greater riches here on earth and stored up in heaven.
Many family members were present in the hospital room. We laughed, we joked we talked about normal things. I'm uncertain if he was aware or not, but I would like to imagine that his last experiences with his family was 'normal'. Yes we each said our own goodbye, but we didn't become dramatic or maudlin, we ushered him out with happiness and life continuing as he would want it to be.
The last few months of his life were 'difficult' he lost his ability to walk with out a walker, he ended up on oxygen. The pain settled in, he grew weak and so terribly weary. He was saved from a long, debilitating, humiliating illness before death (I have witnessed those, they are not nice).
About a month before he went into hospital he pulled us aside and said 'I decided to have a non-resuscitation order'. He explained that he was tired, that he felt he had a good run and did not fear death, but welcomed it.
He gave us each the opportunity to say good-bye and express our gratitude/love and other good stuff for having him in our lives.
We, the survivors, had a month to 'brace for impact'. His death was expected and we didn't grieve with all of those tears and horrible feelings. By the time he did pass on we were OK with it. Yes we all did grieve, but not in the conventional throw yourself on the grave and weep type of grieving.
That is not to say we wanted him to go. We do miss him, sometimes terribly. It only means we understand that his time was over and we accepted it mostly with grace and dignity.
This isn't to say I don't take the occasional shower.
--> I have a rule about crying, I only do it in the shower....
This isn't the same as a young person dying in a horrible accident, or a senseless shooting or some other form of unexpected death. We are talking about a person who lived their fullness of years, a person who follows the natural course of life to its completion.
The grief of 'accidental' or 'sudden' death is often far greater than the grief experienced when a person completes their life.
I suspect your grandmother completed her life. Your dad feels grief, but its not the terrible pining type of grief. It is most likely a healthy, reasonable grief mingled with the acceptance that she has completed life, not that she had life snatched from her.
Maybe they talked before, when she was aware that she was reaching the end of her years. Perhaps she welcomed the rest that death offered, perhaps he got to say goodbye, love you mom... thus when the day came there was none of that stuff left unsaid, or regrets.
No one actually cried when my father-in-law passed. He lived a good life, was a prosperous man. No he didn't die rich in money, he had far greater riches here on earth and stored up in heaven.
Many family members were present in the hospital room. We laughed, we joked we talked about normal things. I'm uncertain if he was aware or not, but I would like to imagine that his last experiences with his family was 'normal'. Yes we each said our own goodbye, but we didn't become dramatic or maudlin, we ushered him out with happiness and life continuing as he would want it to be.
The last few months of his life were 'difficult' he lost his ability to walk with out a walker, he ended up on oxygen. The pain settled in, he grew weak and so terribly weary. He was saved from a long, debilitating, humiliating illness before death (I have witnessed those, they are not nice).
About a month before he went into hospital he pulled us aside and said 'I decided to have a non-resuscitation order'. He explained that he was tired, that he felt he had a good run and did not fear death, but welcomed it.
He gave us each the opportunity to say good-bye and express our gratitude/love and other good stuff for having him in our lives.
We, the survivors, had a month to 'brace for impact'. His death was expected and we didn't grieve with all of those tears and horrible feelings. By the time he did pass on we were OK with it. Yes we all did grieve, but not in the conventional throw yourself on the grave and weep type of grieving.
That is not to say we wanted him to go. We do miss him, sometimes terribly. It only means we understand that his time was over and we accepted it mostly with grace and dignity.
This isn't to say I don't take the occasional shower.
--> I have a rule about crying, I only do it in the shower....
This isn't the same as a young person dying in a horrible accident, or a senseless shooting or some other form of unexpected death. We are talking about a person who lived their fullness of years, a person who follows the natural course of life to its completion.
The grief of 'accidental' or 'sudden' death is often far greater than the grief experienced when a person completes their life.
I suspect your grandmother completed her life. Your dad feels grief, but its not the terrible pining type of grief. It is most likely a healthy, reasonable grief mingled with the acceptance that she has completed life, not that she had life snatched from her.
Maybe they talked before, when she was aware that she was reaching the end of her years. Perhaps she welcomed the rest that death offered, perhaps he got to say goodbye, love you mom... thus when the day came there was none of that stuff left unsaid, or regrets.
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