09-30-2012, 06:29 PM
The short answer: A lot of us being terrified of coming out, knowing the hate and rejection we would face and, doing it anyway, paying the price, making the sacrifices to be ourselves.
I was born in 1966, so by the time I was five or six I knew gay was not an option and, by the time my sexuality actually started surfacing, there was no think about it, just suppress it and be straight, like it or not that was the only thing to do.
In high school, I dated girls, remarked on this or that "fox" and even lied, bragging about sleeping with the class floozy. Then I married the girl I took to the senior banquet (SDA so didn't have prom, we didn't dance, we had a banquet with our parents all invited as well.)
That sham of a marriage lasted all of 11 months, she was pregnant when we got married, yes my daughter. I stuck it out until she decided she couldn't handle being married to a gay man that was there only to support his family and, maintain the illusion of being straight. She blew my cover to her family, forcing me out.
That cost me my parents (they legally disowned me), my marriage, friends and, home. She left me with my daughter and what I could back in my old VW Beetle. She didn't fight the divorce as long as I accepted full custody and let her off the hook for child support.
I was fortunate to have more accepting cousins on the French Canadian side of my family who helped me out with a roof over our heads and, eventually caring for my daughter when she had to go to school and, I was driving truck. She always spent the summer on board the truck for at least a month of it and, every vacation was with her.
I've seen the worst of what hate can do. Mostly verbal attacks but, I have been knocked over the head with a crowbar, by another truck driver, just because I am gay. I'm not the only one for whom coming out meant losing everything and starting over, and several times since running, leaving it all behind again to escape more hate, stress and other negativity than I could deal with. Not all of it over my sexuality, but enough to make that a significant factor in my decision to run.
It wasn't until 10 years ago that I finally stopped, planted myself and got serious about building a long term future for myself. I've always been a helper, healer if you will, the guy that willingly gives more than he can afford to aid a friend, it never mattered that I had nothing more to give, I would give anyway. I have learned to cork that financially but, as my friends will tell you, that's as far as corking my instinct to help and give goes.
I think a lot of that is because I know what it is to loose it all, endure more abuse than most can even imagine and, have to fight for every millimeter on the way back up form absolute rock bottom. If I can make that even a fraction easier for someone else, then it's worth it to do what I can.
I was born in 1966, so by the time I was five or six I knew gay was not an option and, by the time my sexuality actually started surfacing, there was no think about it, just suppress it and be straight, like it or not that was the only thing to do.
In high school, I dated girls, remarked on this or that "fox" and even lied, bragging about sleeping with the class floozy. Then I married the girl I took to the senior banquet (SDA so didn't have prom, we didn't dance, we had a banquet with our parents all invited as well.)
That sham of a marriage lasted all of 11 months, she was pregnant when we got married, yes my daughter. I stuck it out until she decided she couldn't handle being married to a gay man that was there only to support his family and, maintain the illusion of being straight. She blew my cover to her family, forcing me out.
That cost me my parents (they legally disowned me), my marriage, friends and, home. She left me with my daughter and what I could back in my old VW Beetle. She didn't fight the divorce as long as I accepted full custody and let her off the hook for child support.
I was fortunate to have more accepting cousins on the French Canadian side of my family who helped me out with a roof over our heads and, eventually caring for my daughter when she had to go to school and, I was driving truck. She always spent the summer on board the truck for at least a month of it and, every vacation was with her.
I've seen the worst of what hate can do. Mostly verbal attacks but, I have been knocked over the head with a crowbar, by another truck driver, just because I am gay. I'm not the only one for whom coming out meant losing everything and starting over, and several times since running, leaving it all behind again to escape more hate, stress and other negativity than I could deal with. Not all of it over my sexuality, but enough to make that a significant factor in my decision to run.
It wasn't until 10 years ago that I finally stopped, planted myself and got serious about building a long term future for myself. I've always been a helper, healer if you will, the guy that willingly gives more than he can afford to aid a friend, it never mattered that I had nothing more to give, I would give anyway. I have learned to cork that financially but, as my friends will tell you, that's as far as corking my instinct to help and give goes.
I think a lot of that is because I know what it is to loose it all, endure more abuse than most can even imagine and, have to fight for every millimeter on the way back up form absolute rock bottom. If I can make that even a fraction easier for someone else, then it's worth it to do what I can.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
