10-01-2012, 08:33 AM
In the early 80's when I was 'coming of age' there was always negative talk about 'poofters' and the weekend sport was 'poofter bashing', but I never knew what a poofter actually was until I broke up with my first BF at age 12. I thought I was doing what felt natural to me, and it did feel natural to me.
When my BF broke up with me, it was because he found god and he gave me the 'fire and brimstone' story and told me if I didn't go to church with him and repent and ask for forgiveness, he could not be my friend and he would tell the world that I was 'like that'. I shrugged my shoulders and walked away...within minutes I had my face pushed into gravel and several punches to the back of the head...that was the story of my life for the next 2 years until I became suicidal and feared school all together and drop out of not only school, but society in general and became extremely reclusive and paranoid.
The only person I let into my life was a neighbour who was bi, we had an on again off again relationship that lasted 13 years when he passed away. The times we broke up was when he would venture off and find a girl friend to appease his bible bashing family. It wasn't until my late 20's that I reconciled completely with my sexuality and from there it took a further 3 years to gain the confidence to say 'This is who I am, you don't like it, fuck off out of my life, I have had alomst 20 years of bigotry and it ends now'....in other words I came out.
For a long time I wanted revenge, and the thoughts that consumed me when I was in my late teens and early 20's were not pretty and I am grateful I never got my hands on a gun. These days I am a little more philosophical about these things. If you don't like me because of a very small part of my life that ultimately doesn't involve you, then it is your loss that you want prejudice and bigotry to stand in the way of a friendship.
When my BF broke up with me, it was because he found god and he gave me the 'fire and brimstone' story and told me if I didn't go to church with him and repent and ask for forgiveness, he could not be my friend and he would tell the world that I was 'like that'. I shrugged my shoulders and walked away...within minutes I had my face pushed into gravel and several punches to the back of the head...that was the story of my life for the next 2 years until I became suicidal and feared school all together and drop out of not only school, but society in general and became extremely reclusive and paranoid.
The only person I let into my life was a neighbour who was bi, we had an on again off again relationship that lasted 13 years when he passed away. The times we broke up was when he would venture off and find a girl friend to appease his bible bashing family. It wasn't until my late 20's that I reconciled completely with my sexuality and from there it took a further 3 years to gain the confidence to say 'This is who I am, you don't like it, fuck off out of my life, I have had alomst 20 years of bigotry and it ends now'....in other words I came out.
For a long time I wanted revenge, and the thoughts that consumed me when I was in my late teens and early 20's were not pretty and I am grateful I never got my hands on a gun. These days I am a little more philosophical about these things. If you don't like me because of a very small part of my life that ultimately doesn't involve you, then it is your loss that you want prejudice and bigotry to stand in the way of a friendship.
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