To date or not to date

[ESLteacher]

I am a 29yr old caucasian male American that lives in China. I speak some Chinese, but not enough to hold a decent conversation, plus you also have some of the people that do not like foreigners. I get my fair share of guys interested in me, but here they either just want sex or they are the type to say "I love you" after 15 minutes of knowing you, they don't understand its true meaning. My last BF in USA just kind of happened, in all honesty though, I was never really in love with him, I just kind of went through the motions. Prior to him it had been a year that I was single. The BF before that time I left after he abused me physically. Before him it was many years before I had a BF. I also have this bad habit, I tend to push away the guys that I truly like because I feel incomplete as a person and feel that I do not deserve them. In the end I wind up with the wrong guy majority of the time. Dating anymore just seems to be problematic and annoying, but at the same point I am tired of being alone.