Here Goes...

[princealbertofb]

What a nice reminder of my memories asserting aloud to myself "I am gay," "Oh hell no I'm not," "I'm straight," "Oh hell no I'm not," "I'm bisexual," "Well that's the closest thing I can tag it with," "Well if there MUST be a label," "Why do people even care one way or the other?"

I remember having that self talk back in 1981. I'd be riding my motorcycle down the highway with this conversation going on in my head. I remember refusing to allow such while I was looking in the mirror shaving. lol I remember having a log chain jammed on a hitch with the hydralic pump blown on the front end loader and no way to get the monster off the trailer. While struggling with the skid loader to free the chain I suddenly broke out in a fit of anger "I hate being so fucked up!"

Of course I worked through all that personal "turmoil" fairly well and mostly because a WoNdErFuL man 30 years my senior told me that I needed to focus on the moment and not miss what life was offering instead of worrying about things outside the moment. His mentoring led me to really value the process of life more than the content. So THANK YOU for taking me back down memory lane!

I believe you have to be able to say to yourself: "I'm Gay!" Otherwise, it makes it very difficult to start looking for the right sort of relationships. You're still (or forever) tempted to step back into the closet and try to make things work with the members of the opposite sex, even though you know it's not right, doesn't feel right, and doesn't sound truthful. Being able to say it to yourself, is the first step to acceptance, and the beginning of the end of self-loathing (a loathing which is instilled by societal expectations from a very young age). Therefore it IS important to have those words in your head and be able to express them out loud. First, you say it to yourself. You look at yourself in the proverbial mirror, then think: "Yeah, that sounds right!". Then telling someone else just comes naturally - or at least the need to tell someone else. Practice makes things easier. So practise saying: "I'm gay, and it's okay!"
in French we call it La Méthode Coué.