05-09-2007, 03:32 PM
Damn i tried twice to reply to this and both times lost the page when my laptop got unplugged while it was charging!
So... hmmm i ll start by saying that it is great you outing your self. I didnt had the courage when i was your age and wasnt even sure i was gay. I admire and envy all of you with stronger sense of identity than the one i had at the time and got out soon.
It took me time to come out and now i am out to close family and most friends.
We are all afraid how our parents will react and quite often it is not as bad as we thought. I didnt want to bombard my parents with the "Mom dad , i am Gay!" phrase as i did with my friends. I wanted to know in advance how they will react. I ve first tried to see what is their general opinion on gay people and how they perceive the whole gay thing . Was discretely pushing the conversation there and giving them hints not in a very obviously way, watching my back the same time... Didnt get something positive from them very soon- most parents don't thing that their kids could be gay. Its something that happens to others or only in tv but i kept trying.
Was surprised to finally hear my dad who is the tough one to read and sometimes quite rigid kind of man saying :"It's not their choice , people don't choose their sexuality, are born with it. Gays have more female hormones than other men (amazing generalization and diagnosis but fair enough lol). We shouldn't be too hard on them" he said.
Mum who is the loving caring woman you are blessed to be your mother was less open minded yet kind of accepting.
It was an evening i was getting ready to go out and they were commenting on how handsome i look blah.. who i am going to meet a girl or maybe a bloke. I laughed and said almost very casually would they mind if it was a guy then because it can well be.. They got the message but we didnt discussed it any further at that time.
I am from a small conservative Christian city myself so i at least tried not to draw too much attention, i know they would be embarrassed if the gossip started.
Now i hear some not so nice comments from my father, mum doesnt make any and takes it lightly so am i. They are great parents. Sometimes i feel sorry for them...... but yeah most probably they will have only that one grandkid from my sis!
You cant really know how people will take it although you can fish for clues. Some will take it quite well some others will need more time.
I'd say the best time to go out to someone is when you are ready and ready to give them time to get used to the idea. That could be when you are in a pretty stable place in your life . When you don't rush and don't do it because you are going to explode. Explosion comes with fire and you don't want to burn anyone now. Be calm and relaxed and then go through with it.
It's all about good timing. i.e Tell them when you bring straight A's , not when they have a huge bill to pay or their are upset about something.
If your dad's reaction worries you, their is the option not to tell both your parents the same time ...start with your mum. Don't shock her do it gently then see how it goes. If you think its necessary or it would make a difference..you could ask a bit of help from someone you really trust that wouldnt make a mess and could be a positive influence to your parents.
Reading this looong reply again jeez... I wont bore ya anymore, just add here that going out to the ones you care about is a very liberating feeling and makes you feel happier and more confident with life.
mile:
So... hmmm i ll start by saying that it is great you outing your self. I didnt had the courage when i was your age and wasnt even sure i was gay. I admire and envy all of you with stronger sense of identity than the one i had at the time and got out soon.
It took me time to come out and now i am out to close family and most friends.
We are all afraid how our parents will react and quite often it is not as bad as we thought. I didnt want to bombard my parents with the "Mom dad , i am Gay!" phrase as i did with my friends. I wanted to know in advance how they will react. I ve first tried to see what is their general opinion on gay people and how they perceive the whole gay thing . Was discretely pushing the conversation there and giving them hints not in a very obviously way, watching my back the same time... Didnt get something positive from them very soon- most parents don't thing that their kids could be gay. Its something that happens to others or only in tv but i kept trying.
Was surprised to finally hear my dad who is the tough one to read and sometimes quite rigid kind of man saying :"It's not their choice , people don't choose their sexuality, are born with it. Gays have more female hormones than other men (amazing generalization and diagnosis but fair enough lol). We shouldn't be too hard on them" he said.
Mum who is the loving caring woman you are blessed to be your mother was less open minded yet kind of accepting.
It was an evening i was getting ready to go out and they were commenting on how handsome i look blah.. who i am going to meet a girl or maybe a bloke. I laughed and said almost very casually would they mind if it was a guy then because it can well be.. They got the message but we didnt discussed it any further at that time.
I am from a small conservative Christian city myself so i at least tried not to draw too much attention, i know they would be embarrassed if the gossip started.
Now i hear some not so nice comments from my father, mum doesnt make any and takes it lightly so am i. They are great parents. Sometimes i feel sorry for them...... but yeah most probably they will have only that one grandkid from my sis!
You cant really know how people will take it although you can fish for clues. Some will take it quite well some others will need more time.
I'd say the best time to go out to someone is when you are ready and ready to give them time to get used to the idea. That could be when you are in a pretty stable place in your life . When you don't rush and don't do it because you are going to explode. Explosion comes with fire and you don't want to burn anyone now. Be calm and relaxed and then go through with it.
It's all about good timing. i.e Tell them when you bring straight A's , not when they have a huge bill to pay or their are upset about something.
If your dad's reaction worries you, their is the option not to tell both your parents the same time ...start with your mum. Don't shock her do it gently then see how it goes. If you think its necessary or it would make a difference..you could ask a bit of help from someone you really trust that wouldnt make a mess and could be a positive influence to your parents.
Reading this looong reply again jeez... I wont bore ya anymore, just add here that going out to the ones you care about is a very liberating feeling and makes you feel happier and more confident with life.
mile:
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