11-28-2013, 01:54 PM
One of my close male friends, who I've BEEN friends with for about ten years, blatantly came on to me (for the first time) a few months ago. This is a guy who--- as far as I know--- is 100 percent heterosexual, a single dad who sees his kids on weekends. We've spent a LOT of time together over the years, including plenty of "alone" time, and never until this year did he make a move on me, nor have I ever seen the slightest hint that he might have interest in sex with anyone except girls.
Truth is, I have *always* thought he was very attractive. So when he came on to me, it was the shock of my life but not an unpleasant one at all. What he wanted was oral sex, and I said "absolutely!" I was like "Wow, I never saw this coming, but I'm glad it happened." That first sexual encounter between us went well, and we did it again a couple of weeks later.... and again.... I think we're up to about 18 "encounters" now, in the last nine months.
What I want some advice on is: how gay IS he, do you think? And how far do I dare push my limits? Here's his history: he had a very intense LTR with the mother of his kids for 5 years, but they broke up in 2009. He's been single ever since, although he has occasional one-night stands. But he isn't a "player" with girls at all. He certainly doesn't get into the dating scene, and spends long periods of time celibate. I don't think he wants to be, it's just the way things worked out.
When he looks at porn, it's always straight porn. I suspect he has had sexual contact with other men, simply because he's pretty good at it, and he had to learn it SOMEWHERE. I'd like to know more of his history, but it's an off-limits topic and I wouldn't dare ask.
Our first sexual encounter was strictly a matter of me "performing" on him. He was willing to take off his clothes when I asked him to. but there was no interaction on his part. He wouldn't touch me, but just laid there. Since then, he has opened up a LOT. He will let me give him massages, and some of our encounters have lasted 3 hours or more. He'll chat with me about his life--- actually I get more intimate conversation from him at these times then we do when we're "just friends". It's nice.
Recently, he has (finally) allowed himself to touch me as well; he'll run his hand up and down my back and side, and the last time, he even brought his hands down inside my pants (I take my shirt off, but other than that, I always stay dressed. He has roommates who occasionally enter his bedroom, and he's afraid to have them see me there unclothed. This last time, he also wanted to do anal sex on me (and had even purchased some lube for the occasion), but I said no way. I don't get into that. He was kind of annoyed, and said "you're too jumpy."
But with all this--- he has set limits that I respect. He will NOT let me kiss him above the neck. The first time I tried, he held his hand up and said "No, I don't do that gay stuff." (As if what we'd already done was NOT gay??!) He also will not talk about our encounters at all, except when we're actually doing them. The rest of the time, he's just my buddy like always, and pretends it never happened.
Even when he wants me to come over for a tryst, he won't say so directly but always has some other reason, like "You want to come over and watch TV?" (That was true of our very first encounter, too. We never meet up at my house because I have roommates who would not be cool with that. It's always his house (fine with me), and usually after midnight after his roommates have gone to bed. He is very paranoid about them "finding out".
I am absolutely amazed that we have had the number of encounters we've had. I enjoy them, and he seems to enjoy them too. I wish I could cuddle with him more--- the last few times he has let me snuggle into the crook of his arm, but I can tell he's a bit skittish about that. I'd like to get us a hotel room, away from roommates--- but I'm afraid if I did that, it would be too obvious and uncomfortable for him. He's still a straight guy 99.9 percent of the time. Only when we're actually "together" does he drop his guard on that, and even then, not very much so.
So what do you guys think? He and I have gone a lot farther sexually than I EVER thought he would go, but I hate to push for any more "intimacy". I'd sure like to, though. I am not in love with him, nor am I falling in love with him, but I do love him very much as a friend, and always have. I think he kind of knows that. I think he's very uncomfortable with this side of his sexuality, and it's difficult for him to just loosen up.
Opinions???
Truth is, I have *always* thought he was very attractive. So when he came on to me, it was the shock of my life but not an unpleasant one at all. What he wanted was oral sex, and I said "absolutely!" I was like "Wow, I never saw this coming, but I'm glad it happened." That first sexual encounter between us went well, and we did it again a couple of weeks later.... and again.... I think we're up to about 18 "encounters" now, in the last nine months.
What I want some advice on is: how gay IS he, do you think? And how far do I dare push my limits? Here's his history: he had a very intense LTR with the mother of his kids for 5 years, but they broke up in 2009. He's been single ever since, although he has occasional one-night stands. But he isn't a "player" with girls at all. He certainly doesn't get into the dating scene, and spends long periods of time celibate. I don't think he wants to be, it's just the way things worked out.
When he looks at porn, it's always straight porn. I suspect he has had sexual contact with other men, simply because he's pretty good at it, and he had to learn it SOMEWHERE. I'd like to know more of his history, but it's an off-limits topic and I wouldn't dare ask.
Our first sexual encounter was strictly a matter of me "performing" on him. He was willing to take off his clothes when I asked him to. but there was no interaction on his part. He wouldn't touch me, but just laid there. Since then, he has opened up a LOT. He will let me give him massages, and some of our encounters have lasted 3 hours or more. He'll chat with me about his life--- actually I get more intimate conversation from him at these times then we do when we're "just friends". It's nice.
Recently, he has (finally) allowed himself to touch me as well; he'll run his hand up and down my back and side, and the last time, he even brought his hands down inside my pants (I take my shirt off, but other than that, I always stay dressed. He has roommates who occasionally enter his bedroom, and he's afraid to have them see me there unclothed. This last time, he also wanted to do anal sex on me (and had even purchased some lube for the occasion), but I said no way. I don't get into that. He was kind of annoyed, and said "you're too jumpy."
But with all this--- he has set limits that I respect. He will NOT let me kiss him above the neck. The first time I tried, he held his hand up and said "No, I don't do that gay stuff." (As if what we'd already done was NOT gay??!) He also will not talk about our encounters at all, except when we're actually doing them. The rest of the time, he's just my buddy like always, and pretends it never happened.
Even when he wants me to come over for a tryst, he won't say so directly but always has some other reason, like "You want to come over and watch TV?" (That was true of our very first encounter, too. We never meet up at my house because I have roommates who would not be cool with that. It's always his house (fine with me), and usually after midnight after his roommates have gone to bed. He is very paranoid about them "finding out".
I am absolutely amazed that we have had the number of encounters we've had. I enjoy them, and he seems to enjoy them too. I wish I could cuddle with him more--- the last few times he has let me snuggle into the crook of his arm, but I can tell he's a bit skittish about that. I'd like to get us a hotel room, away from roommates--- but I'm afraid if I did that, it would be too obvious and uncomfortable for him. He's still a straight guy 99.9 percent of the time. Only when we're actually "together" does he drop his guard on that, and even then, not very much so.
So what do you guys think? He and I have gone a lot farther sexually than I EVER thought he would go, but I hate to push for any more "intimacy". I'd sure like to, though. I am not in love with him, nor am I falling in love with him, but I do love him very much as a friend, and always have. I think he kind of knows that. I think he's very uncomfortable with this side of his sexuality, and it's difficult for him to just loosen up.
Opinions???
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