11-29-2013, 07:35 PM
He isn't gay. He is (likely) bisexual, but identifies as heterosexual.
The biological reality is that he is experiencing desire for you, but that's probably where it's going to end --- he likely isn't interested in a relationship. Actually, at this given time, he flatly doesn't want a relationship, sorry. So your desire for more intimacy is a difficult one.
Listen, the reason he doesn't want to kiss above the neck, the reason he didn't want to touch you,the reason he wants you to be a giver and receiver of his sexual desire, is because in his mind it's look at how gay this guy is, and not him being gay. Makes no sense, but that's how it's working. He's also preventing himself from being interested in a relationship certainly, he might be nice to you, but he's not likely to allow himself to enter into anything long term.
My first romantic interest, in early highschool, was similar. I spent years trying to figure out if he was gay -- he would occasionally cuddle, he would let me touch him, play games that "Happened to involve lots of touching". One day I realized that wasn't what I wanted, I stopped. This year actually, we were in contact as he's friends with my brother, and we were alone in a room together and he tried to very casually happen to touch me. It was a very slow, subtle, "I'm just going to happen to graze your leg".
I responded directly, saying, "Don't do that, I'm not interested in being touched by you, and especially not anything more than that.". And the answer to whether he liked men or not was clear in the panic on his face at being directly confronted.
Your... whatever you want to call him, is actually very similar, even though you've had a lot of sex. At the end of the day, he's somehow allowing himself to think, on a certain level, that he isn't really gay, he's just having some fun.
Directly confront him. Ask for intimacy, a relationship, whatever you want. I'm going to bet he won't even want to talk about it. He might even say, "I'm not gay", "I can't do that", "That's not what I want.".
Maybe I'm wrong. The point is, is that there's really no way for you to make him "more comfortable with his sexuality". I know you didn't ask to be in a relationship in your post, but I wrote this post like this because it sounds like you've fallen for him, so I responded in that context. Given that context, I believe that you should be direct in this... save yourself an emotional struggle by finding your answers early... if by chance, he is interested in a relationship, you can essentially become his rock, and you can support him from there... but as long as he's hiding from even you, there's nothing you can do.
And if there's nothing you can do, nothing is going to change, and unless you completely and unhesitatingly love the current arrangement you have, you should work on leaving.
The biological reality is that he is experiencing desire for you, but that's probably where it's going to end --- he likely isn't interested in a relationship. Actually, at this given time, he flatly doesn't want a relationship, sorry. So your desire for more intimacy is a difficult one.
Listen, the reason he doesn't want to kiss above the neck, the reason he didn't want to touch you,the reason he wants you to be a giver and receiver of his sexual desire, is because in his mind it's look at how gay this guy is, and not him being gay. Makes no sense, but that's how it's working. He's also preventing himself from being interested in a relationship certainly, he might be nice to you, but he's not likely to allow himself to enter into anything long term.
My first romantic interest, in early highschool, was similar. I spent years trying to figure out if he was gay -- he would occasionally cuddle, he would let me touch him, play games that "Happened to involve lots of touching". One day I realized that wasn't what I wanted, I stopped. This year actually, we were in contact as he's friends with my brother, and we were alone in a room together and he tried to very casually happen to touch me. It was a very slow, subtle, "I'm just going to happen to graze your leg".
I responded directly, saying, "Don't do that, I'm not interested in being touched by you, and especially not anything more than that.". And the answer to whether he liked men or not was clear in the panic on his face at being directly confronted.
Your... whatever you want to call him, is actually very similar, even though you've had a lot of sex. At the end of the day, he's somehow allowing himself to think, on a certain level, that he isn't really gay, he's just having some fun.
Directly confront him. Ask for intimacy, a relationship, whatever you want. I'm going to bet he won't even want to talk about it. He might even say, "I'm not gay", "I can't do that", "That's not what I want.".
Maybe I'm wrong. The point is, is that there's really no way for you to make him "more comfortable with his sexuality". I know you didn't ask to be in a relationship in your post, but I wrote this post like this because it sounds like you've fallen for him, so I responded in that context. Given that context, I believe that you should be direct in this... save yourself an emotional struggle by finding your answers early... if by chance, he is interested in a relationship, you can essentially become his rock, and you can support him from there... but as long as he's hiding from even you, there's nothing you can do.
And if there's nothing you can do, nothing is going to change, and unless you completely and unhesitatingly love the current arrangement you have, you should work on leaving.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
