02-16-2014, 04:04 AM
So, I feel down. Not always, but a lot. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, that there is something inherently wrong with me, that I can't change anything, etc. In the recent past, I've made a few poor choices, nothing major mind you, but unfortunately they had unfair repercussions for me, and the amount of drama that I've had to deal with is just ridiculous and uncalled for. On the other hand, I'm trying to get more involved, I joined an LGBT group, I'm reaching out as much as I can without coming off as needy or clingy, but things aren't so great, they haven't been, and it feels like they won't be for a long time, if ever. People say to keep plugging along, to keep trying, and I am, but it's just so hard...
As always, I'll have my wits about me again soon, maybe when I wake up tomorrow, but I always slip back into these depressive states, usually every few days, sometimes even more frequently. I don't know if I really have depression though, I think I've really just had enough of the wrong people, the disappointment, and all the dead ends, not to mention feelings of failure and inadequacy.
A lot of the time, I don't feel happy with myself, and I don't know what to do about it at this point other than to just keep moving along, but sometimes it just feels like torture, I've been "moving on" for a while, and I'm terrified at the idea that nothing will ever change, that ten years from now I'll be on some other site complaining about the same damn thing because I'm just somehow incapable of what everyone else seems to grasp so easily.
That's all just the tip of the iceberg, but I'll stop here since this is already pretty long, in any case I don't even know where to begin to describe how I feel about all the things that add up to the mess that I am currently stuck in. Besides, all the times I've ranted on here combined probably paint the picture pretty well, but I'm not going to go into further detail, I got enough out of my system for now and I really need to calm down. If you've read this far, I appreciate it as always. Have a good night.
-Bluelight
As always, I'll have my wits about me again soon, maybe when I wake up tomorrow, but I always slip back into these depressive states, usually every few days, sometimes even more frequently. I don't know if I really have depression though, I think I've really just had enough of the wrong people, the disappointment, and all the dead ends, not to mention feelings of failure and inadequacy.
A lot of the time, I don't feel happy with myself, and I don't know what to do about it at this point other than to just keep moving along, but sometimes it just feels like torture, I've been "moving on" for a while, and I'm terrified at the idea that nothing will ever change, that ten years from now I'll be on some other site complaining about the same damn thing because I'm just somehow incapable of what everyone else seems to grasp so easily.
That's all just the tip of the iceberg, but I'll stop here since this is already pretty long, in any case I don't even know where to begin to describe how I feel about all the things that add up to the mess that I am currently stuck in. Besides, all the times I've ranted on here combined probably paint the picture pretty well, but I'm not going to go into further detail, I got enough out of my system for now and I really need to calm down. If you've read this far, I appreciate it as always. Have a good night.
-Bluelight
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