What's on Your Mind

[Jay]

You're only disabled if you own it. What I mean by that is if you think you're disabled then you are. I could have easily settled taking medication for heartburn, depression, anxiety hell probably blood pressure if I kept on smoking and just accepted that was the way it is. So very happy for you in that regard.

Sounds like I need to be more like you and accept myself, I have stretch marks here and there (I think everyone has stretch marks somewhere on their body). I'm definitely not perfect and will never be...I'll never be the guy on the cover of a magazine.

Whoever says you need plastic surgery should be forced to eat shit. One not only is it wrong to shame someone for how they might look but totally unjustified, you're a very handsome man. Just need to smile more

Thanks for the very kind words.

The thing is I have been fed with discouraging words on my face so many times for years that most part of my mind has reprogrammed itself to believe that as a fact. Hence why I hated looking at myself in a mirror for years. But tiny part of me believes that I have a nice looking face.

My mother was actually the first person to point it out. She said my face has sunken after I lost my weight. She keeps pointing it out every single year. Follows with other random people and few relatives.

In 2011, I told my mother that I was considering to have a plastic surgery on my face. I was happened to be in a hospital at the time for loose skin removal. My mother hesitated. She eventually said, 'We'll see..."

These people messed up my mind to the max for years.

When few random guys and few of my ex co-workers told me that I have a very nice looking face, I couldn't digest it. I was super confused because I was so used to be heavily criticized.

My plastic surgeon (who assisted me to remove loose skin) told me that there's nothing wrong with my face. He said my face is structured as it is. It's just that I have lost baby fat around my face. But a head nurse disagreed; she suggested me to do a facelift after I have completed all of my surgeries.

I've recovered. Well, mostly. I don't dare to say I'm good looking and at the same time, I don't think I'm unattractive. I've chosen to stand in the middle; pleasant looking - enough to make myself feel comfortable in my own skin and sane enough in my mind.

I still dislike my side profile; left and right but eh. I'm not going to let my side profile kills my self esteem. If my side profile is unattractive; it's fine. I accept as it is.And yeah, I don't like to smile in a photo due to this very reason.

I eventually understood why mother was so 'conscious' with my face. She told my siblings several times that her sister is more beautiful and has fairer skin than hers. My mother has a really fair skin but her sister has that snowy fair skin. My mother was insecure with herself.

I always tell people; be careful with what you say or write to anyone as it can build or destroy a man.

Don't worry. In overall, I'm fine now.