Cheating boyfriend = unbearable pain

[Wiltur]

Hello spotysocks,

Thanks a lot for your reply, you don't know how much it means to me..it's so hard to think positively in these situations.

Still, I don't know if I'll ever be able to be the same person again with my bfriend .. as you said, trust has been broken, and forgiveness is demanded for things to go ahead .. how hard that is.

When I am with him, I manage to forget everything and all is okay. When I am alone though, the bad thoughts start, and I muse that I would have never had a story with him in the first place if I had known he was capable of doing what he did, that he is not the kind of person I should be with, that all I thought of him was just a product of my imagination.
I am scared by the person he is, a person I just realised I didn’t know. It’s such a shock when you believe you’re thinking alike your partner, you start to get into a sort of mental symbiosis and when this bond is broken by facts, you start to question yourself and your sanity – at least that ‘s what I’ve been doing. I’ve started wondering whether it’s normal that I’ve never cheated on him. Whether I’ve been the fool and he’s just been “normal”. Whether I should force on me to find a quick shag. Whether I’m just wasting my life being the person I am.
It’s not easy.