Cheating boyfriend = unbearable pain

[Wiltur]

CardShark, Mashlander, thanks for your replies.
Yep, I don't believe the "eye-for-an-eye" approach would do me much good either .. but then, I keep thinking that I should have a random encounter just to prove myself that what my bfriend did was nothing to worry about. Marshlander, yep he said he did take all possible safe sex precautions, and I asked him to have a test after his confession and he came out clean, so that's all good fortunately.
(since this is confession time: he even said he didn't want to go in bed with the people he met, and he did it standing, which quite frankly quite disturbs me...)

I don't want to lose him, nor does he, so I'm trying my best to stay close to him in this period .. but I have this thing inside that I know is going to devour me if I don't do something. It's hard to explain .. it's probably a mixed feeling of justice and revenge (the two things are scarily similar..), I feel I've given everything I could for him during these years, and I can't bear that he paid me back like that - I couldn't condone it if this happened to a friend, and so much less since it's happened to me and I know how much energy and sacrifice and hope I put in our relationship. It's just unfair.

And still I don't understand it .. I don't know whether what he did can be justified or not. I'm not talking about forgiveness, I'm talking about understanding and explaining .. monogamy is the natural way for a relationship for me, but is it because I am just too naive? Am I missing something about the way things go in the World?

I totally agree with what you're saying and that the only way out is talking and talking about it, and don't forget what's happened but take it as a lesson.

I really hope we'll make things right. Thanks again for all of your support!