Cheating boyfriend = unbearable pain

[Star Twister]

Hi, I have a situation and I'd really appreciate some advice from you guys ..

I have been together with my boyfriend (he's 28, I'm 27) for nearly 4 years now. He's been the third serious relationship of my life, and by far the longest and most important.

About a month ago he was feeling downcast and depressed, and upon my insistence to know what was going on he told me he had betrayed me. He did that 4 times, he said, the latter about an year earlier. Always with different people that he met on the internet, a quick shag only, no kissing, no petting, as -he said- he loved me and didn't think for a second of leaving me. Reason for this treachery: unable to control his hormones and the fact he could only be a bottom in our relationship as I'm primarily active in bed. As he put it, he wanted to find out how it feels to be top for once, and after the first time things got out of hand and he couldn't stop. He said he then managed to control himself and put an end to his nocturnal escapes, but I then found out that to stop himself he started going to chatrooms and exchange pics with other people.

He admitted he has a problem with controlling his sexual drive, and that he wants to solve it and never do these things again.

I was -and still am- shattered. This is the greatest pain he could cause me, and although he knew this and always advocated with me that random sex is something he would never do, he did what he did.

I love him, I never cheated on him and never would, but given the situation I don't really know what to do now. Should I do the same things he did to feel better, and keep staying with him? Should I take vengeance? Should I pretend nothing ever happened? Or should I just say farewell to him and try to forget he ever existed (with all the pain this implies)?

After these events I tried to get closer to him, to help him, to be propositive in taking a bottom position with him (it takes time, but I hope he understands I'll do it gladly) and to try and find out how a person you think so similar to you can in truth be so different.
But I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, and I don't think I will ever be able to forget what he did, when all of this could have been avoided if only he had spoken to me first. Don't know what to do, for both of us ...

I don't mean to be rude Wiltur, I am so sorry you have been hurt, I really am but can I give a you little advice


LEAVE HIM !

I will probably get my head bitten off for this, but this is just my opinion....

This whole incident will cause you to distrust him in the future and the jealousy will eat away at you..... Jealousy is such a destructive emotion, Trust me.

You say he has been unfaithful 4 times behind your back......... UNACCEPTABLE


Then you find out he is swapping pictures of himself in chat rooms without you knowing......... UNACCEPTABLE


You say he has trouble controlling his hormones, then who is to say he won't do it again ???


Sorry mister, if you are a faithful man and entered into a faithful relationship then that's what you deserve..... A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP.


But hey it's up to you what you do.......



If you think you can make a go of things then BRILLIANT, but please don't waist your time and emotion on something that you know wont work in the end


I mean you would think you knew him after 4 years together


Much love mister and I really do wish you all the best for the future


This is just my personal opinion

xxxxx