Time... it will not wait.

[XRIMO]

yes, yes, I am somewhat obsessed with time. The video clip is snippet of one of the many monologues from the tv-movie Wit, and the lovely voice is Emma Thompson.

Anyway, I was thinking how I kind of vanished from GS for nearly a whole YEAR and I was wondering what had happened. It really didn't feel that long, but time does go by quickly, and this year has certainly gone by fast. Thinking even further, I've been a part of this site for just over 3 years, and its amazing how people have come and gone in that time. So much has happened in 3 years, yet it feels I haven't gone anywhere or done anything of great significance. Okay, yes I have begun the coming out process, and yes I have been promoted and have a somewhat well paying job now, but in the grand scheme, my life really has not advanced towards a sense of joy. Hmm... how much more time must I waste before I find some semblance of satisfaction with this life?

Perhaps its fear, or rather caution, that prevents me from searching for the answer. I may not want to give up what I have, but the question is am I truly happy with what I have... the answer is no. But how can I give up the life I have made so far to find something else that also may not bring happiness? This is the cycle I find myself in, and time escapes as I pass through the loop each day and each year... surely the cycle will end and I will grasp the world I so long for.

Philosophical rantings at its finest.