Really need help

[Bluelight]

I know the feeling of "missing out" very well, as you described it in the last paragraph. I would suggest getting to know people who you have no doubt will accept you for who you are, and then come out to them when you gather up enough courage. Once you have good friends, those feelings of "missing out" start to fade away. I mean, they might stick around, and they might even re-surface once in a while, but they'll be far less intense.

As for being attracted to older men, there's really nothing wrong with that. As Bowyn said, all it boils down to is that our society doesn't like the idea of and older guy being with a younger guy, let alone two guys being sexually/romantically involved in the first place.

Hope you start feeling alright soon, and that your situation will change for the better. Which it will.