07-26-2014, 04:56 AM
ok,
will try to address the many things going on here.
First,
welcome to GS. Please don't kill yourself.
I find that curiously interesting. Not to break into outdated psycho babble about the absent father causing homosexuality... however, if the old adage is true pertaining to hetero relationships that "we marry our mothers or fathers" etc, it would make sense that issues with parents can play a role in our relationships as adults... something to ponder
so no one in your circle is going through this then. Because it's not taboo and not unheard of. But it sounds like you are saying it's taboo and unheard of in your circle.
You need to get help, get in touch with a suicide hotline or support group.
Also you may want to consider seeking a therapist to help you work this out and help you deal with the depression.
You keep mentioning things that lead me to conclude that in your life and the people in your life see being gay or even bi as being abnormal and weird and they would not accept it or accept you if you came out. What I see here is you are allowing the hetero-normative expectations of our society dictate your thinking and you are feeling like you don't want to be this way but can't help it....
That is normal if you are not thinking for yourself, but just be aware that other people's expectations mean nothing to you or the person you may fall in love with.
why do you have to be straight to be in a relationship?
why do you have to be in a relationship at all?
have you ever been with a girl?
you are clearly struggling with your sexuality but I feel this struggle is based on false guilt imposed by those around you, reinforced by our culture and those unrealistic societal expectations that do not reflect YOUR reality.
don't let pressures from friends and family or self imposed pressures of wanting to fit in and be like everyone else hinder you from experiencing your life to the fullest.
why do you have to wait 20 years for a relationship?
take a break from the things you are doing and just examine your feelings, don't worry about any labels right now or coming out to anyone, just take it one step at a time and come to a comfort level and acceptance with yourself first before trying anything more with anyone or being in a relationship just yet. Just enjoy your freedom right now.
But def still get some help about suicide and depression.
will try to address the many things going on here.
First,
welcome to GS. Please don't kill yourself.
seekingadvice Wrote:I am a 19 year old male, who has an extreme sexual attraction towards older men (45 years or older.)
although me and my father have never gotten along and don't have a great relationship.
I find that curiously interesting. Not to break into outdated psycho babble about the absent father causing homosexuality... however, if the old adage is true pertaining to hetero relationships that "we marry our mothers or fathers" etc, it would make sense that issues with parents can play a role in our relationships as adults... something to ponder
seekingadvice Wrote:I am so disgusted with who I have become and what I have done. It has even gotten to the point where I hate myself and recently have been having many suicidal thoughts. The worst thing is this is so taboo and so unheard of that I cannot talk to anyone I know about it. I am undergoing severe depression and find it hard to go about daily things such a work and talking to my friends. Nobody has to go through anything even remotely similar to this, and all of my friends talk about how hot girls are at parties, and I agree with them half heartedly.
so no one in your circle is going through this then. Because it's not taboo and not unheard of. But it sounds like you are saying it's taboo and unheard of in your circle.
You need to get help, get in touch with a suicide hotline or support group.
Also you may want to consider seeking a therapist to help you work this out and help you deal with the depression.
seekingadvice Wrote:I am a really normal looking 19 year old. I go to college and study engineering, play sports, and have many very normal friends who are in fraternities/sororities, are in clubs, go to parties, and who are very outgoing individuals. I have a decent home life, I am pretty smart, and do well in school. Nobody would ever expect me to be gay, let alone attracted to older men. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I just want to be normal. I would really appreciate any help. Thank you for reading.
You keep mentioning things that lead me to conclude that in your life and the people in your life see being gay or even bi as being abnormal and weird and they would not accept it or accept you if you came out. What I see here is you are allowing the hetero-normative expectations of our society dictate your thinking and you are feeling like you don't want to be this way but can't help it....
That is normal if you are not thinking for yourself, but just be aware that other people's expectations mean nothing to you or the person you may fall in love with.
seekingadvice Wrote:What upsets me the most is that I'm worried about my future. I might eventually be able to accept that i'm gay even though im not 100% sure, but I dont want to wait 20 years for a relationship. I feel like ive already missed out on a lot of life, all of my friends are either in relationships or have had them in the past and heres me, never having been in one cause i dont know if im straight or not. I might be able to tell me family and friends that im gay, but that all i like are older men... no way. Any help/advice is really appreciated. Please no condescending comments.
why do you have to be straight to be in a relationship?
why do you have to be in a relationship at all?
have you ever been with a girl?
you are clearly struggling with your sexuality but I feel this struggle is based on false guilt imposed by those around you, reinforced by our culture and those unrealistic societal expectations that do not reflect YOUR reality.
don't let pressures from friends and family or self imposed pressures of wanting to fit in and be like everyone else hinder you from experiencing your life to the fullest.
why do you have to wait 20 years for a relationship?
take a break from the things you are doing and just examine your feelings, don't worry about any labels right now or coming out to anyone, just take it one step at a time and come to a comfort level and acceptance with yourself first before trying anything more with anyone or being in a relationship just yet. Just enjoy your freedom right now.
But def still get some help about suicide and depression.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
