Really need help

[TwisttheLeaf]

I think you have internalized homophobia. You resent being gay psychologically, until your biological cravings win out and you give into them causing the whole cycle all over. If you're gay, you're gay. Stop fighting it and accept yourself. Go make some gay friends who can relate to you whom you can be yourself around.

^^
This pretty much says what I would have said, but much more succinctly than I would have said it.

1) There is nothing wrong with being attracted to older guys. In fact, especially with younger men who are interested in more than just "hook ups", it's rather common.

2) Why in the world would you have to be straight to be in a relationship?? Plenty of gay men enter into committed relationships with each other. Hell, even here on this board we have a number of men that have been in long-term relationships and/or are married.

3) There's nothing wrong with wanting a relationship with a man instead of a woman. It's not an "excursion" away from your path in life. It's not an "abnormality" to "get out of your system" and get over then "move on" from. I really suggest you do some self examination and figure out why you are so prejudice against the idea of being gay and/or homosexuality in general.