Really need help

[50Plus]

wow thank you so much guys for all the great replies. I think I am just going to refrain from meeting people no matter what urges i have for a while and figure out myself. I feel as if I might be reaching out to these older men because I am looking for a release and feel that this is the easiest way to get it. As far as being submissive, I don't really know why? It could be because I want to punish myself for what I have done. Because I am not submissive, actually more bold in every day life. Next school year I am going to start to see a psychiatrist and try and get to the root of my problems. I have no real issue if I were gay, however I need to figure out what my sexuality is before making any further decisions. I talked to my mom about some of my problems, not all, and that helped me. Possibly if I start seeing life in a more positive way and get help with my depression I can figure out myself. Any suggestions as to what to do when I get these 'urges' rather than what i have been doing?

Awesome news. Good luck with the self discovery - my journey of self discovery started when I was your age and it continues to this day. It is an awesomely brilliant journey.

jb