attractions

[MikeW]

... I just don't know how to be myself. If that makes sense. And i hate confrontation, i don't know why people got to be so mean all the time. I talk super low and i don't have any confidence in myself or know what I'm good at. wow where did that all come from?? yay great free therapy thanks

I see guys telling other guys to 'just be yourself' online all the time. It is meant to be supportive but I agree with you , it isn't always that easy. What the hell does it 'mean' anyway? Who am I? how do I know? I may know some things about myself (that i'm attracted to other guys, for example; of that I'm sure) but there may be a LOT of other areas of 'myself' that are far less clear.

The whole lack of self confidence is tied in with that, too. It is difficult to feel 'confident' about what we're unsure of.

There are different 'types' of people too. Without getting into 'labels' which memechose will want to kick all our butts for, it is clear that HE is one 'type' of person, where *I* am quite another. Some people are, by nature, more 'self-confident' than others. How we are nurtured (parents, family, friends) growing up does matter but I know people who are very self confident who grew up in less than supportive homes. The opposite can also be true.

Factor into this that (I assume) you're still quite young. Our 'identities' don't stop forming once we pass 18 and are legally 'adults'. Who I am now isn't who I was at age 40, who I was then wasn't who I was at 20, and so on. I didn't even begin to 'feel' like I was an adult until I got into my late 20s, early 30s.

Confidence building is a whole big issue. I don't know you but my suggestion is two things: 1) find something that interests you (doesn't matter what other people think about it) and dive headlong into it. Learn everything you can about it. So, even if it is just 'one' thing, you can feel confident that you know more about it than most people. 2) Start exercising your body more. Just what that means could vary. For some it means weight lifting, for others it means rock climbing or swimming or running or bike riding or playing some sport. Whatever. It needs to be something you enjoy, something you don't have to 'force' yourself to do. Well, maybe, to begin with, but once you get into it you love it so much you can't wait to do it. (If that makes sense.) If I had it all to do over again, I would have gotten into some martial art or something competitive (totally opposite what I was like as a kid growing up which was very withdrawn, fearful, and reserved).

The point being that if you build self confidence in one area it sort of spills over into other areas of your life. Depending on your personality type you may never be the roustabout that memechose is BUT you may begin to feel considerably less likely to just try and 'fit in' to 'get along'. All of us do that one way or another, you know. Some more, some less.

Anyway, my 3¢.