08-01-2014, 09:13 PM
I think virtually every thing you said is a good point that resonates more than a little bit with what does happen with regards to how communities regard labels.
Where I differ from you probably is that my dispute with labels or the concept of them is far less than, in your example, my dispute with people who feel qualified to sum up the thoughts or private leanings of total strangers and affix a label to them unilaterally-- as other gay men or lesbians in your community have done to you and your friends, for instance.
To me, labels are just tools. They can be inaccurate. They can be used the wrong way. But they can also be used constructively.
But when someone says "you are an x" in any case of dispute with how you identify yourself (or choose not to), it's tantamount to saying "I know your experiences and your reality better than you do, so I'm taking over and defining you." And that's when the use of labels is beyond arrogant.
Am I really, really skeptical sometimes when people on gay forums identify as straight, while talking about their frequent sex romps with men? Sure. But I'm never going to be able to climb into their head and really understand how they feel or what really makes them tick as individuals who aren't me... so there's always the possibility that my doubts, however strong, always run the risk of being completely misinformed and just filtered through my own little narrow filter of "this is how it was for me." I think people too attached to quick & easy labelling can't do that... or won't.
Hopefully that sums me up on labels.
Where I differ from you probably is that my dispute with labels or the concept of them is far less than, in your example, my dispute with people who feel qualified to sum up the thoughts or private leanings of total strangers and affix a label to them unilaterally-- as other gay men or lesbians in your community have done to you and your friends, for instance.
To me, labels are just tools. They can be inaccurate. They can be used the wrong way. But they can also be used constructively.
But when someone says "you are an x" in any case of dispute with how you identify yourself (or choose not to), it's tantamount to saying "I know your experiences and your reality better than you do, so I'm taking over and defining you." And that's when the use of labels is beyond arrogant.
Am I really, really skeptical sometimes when people on gay forums identify as straight, while talking about their frequent sex romps with men? Sure. But I'm never going to be able to climb into their head and really understand how they feel or what really makes them tick as individuals who aren't me... so there's always the possibility that my doubts, however strong, always run the risk of being completely misinformed and just filtered through my own little narrow filter of "this is how it was for me." I think people too attached to quick & easy labelling can't do that... or won't.
Hopefully that sums me up on labels.
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