Dumped, and it hurts so much.

[MikeW]

Sigh.

One of the things I like about this forum is we want to be helpful. The problem is, we don't get anywhere near a full picture of what is really going on in a situation like this. It isn't your fault, OP, it's just a limitation of the medium.

I agree the grinder comment was, as we say here in the US, "harsh." Uncalled for. I also agree his ignoring you and all that is just plain unacceptable behavior. But what we don't know is what is really going on with this guy, what's motivating this behavior. What does it have to do with you? Anything?

I also take memechose's point; it is easy to cut off one's nose to spite one's face. Sometimes what is needed is maturity, patience, forgiveness, understanding, a willingness to endure our BFs 'acting out'.

It can go either way and it is very difficult to advise someone without knowing all the facts and personalities involved. I'm remembering when I first started dating what eventually became my first male partner. At first things were great but then the 'troubles' started showing up. At one point he got very angry at me and started becoming verbally abusive to me in my apartment. I put a stop to that and kicked him out and made it clear I wouldn't take abuse from anyone, especially in my own home. At the time both of us thought it was 'over'. However, although it took some time, we eventually worked through whatever it was that was the real issue there (don't even remember what it was).

The point being that relationships require more than just 'getting along'. They require being willing to go *through* the difficult times, look at them, communicate about them, try to understand them and one another, and work through them by making changes that solve the problem. Of course, there has to be some willingness on both guys' parts to do that. There has to be enough 'interest' in one another TO do that.

A relationship of a few months has brought you to a certain stage. It can either end here or you can take the next step and explore what is really going on. Example: When two men get close, they often encounter their own fear of intimacy--which is more than sex. Intimacy means opening up your soul and being honest with yourself and one another about what your real needs (again, more than sex) are. Many guys unfortunately have no idea how to do this. They've grown up in a culture that focuses on the superficial to the expense of the real heart of who we are and what we really need to be healthy, fulfilled human beings.

So OFC none of us can say for sure, "well you were right to do that," or "no you should have done this…" None of us know for sure. We only know what we know from our own limited experience and very limited knowledge of you and the other guy.

My question is, what do you really want? In life. In this situation. Do you even know? If you don't know or aren't sure, think about it. Do more than just 'think', let yourself feel your way through the whole of it. For IF this is an issue of 'understanding' and 'communication', this is going to come up again, even if it is with a new guy. The situation may be different, different person, different set of problems, but ultimately *every* relationship is going to have its set of problems. Some problems are total deal breaks, no way around it. But others, though they may look that way at the time, *can* be resolved with a bit of patience and effort. You can't know until you dig into it a bit.

I just hate to see guys get so prickly with each other that they push one another away when what they *really really* want is to be loved, warts and all.