Does open relationship really work?

[Steve]

Look just because I've been in a monogamous relationship for thirty years doesn't mean we're blind to our desires. Both Mark and I have had guys on the side. We've had guys in our bed together too. Sometimes more than one. Sometimes more than two (although four guys can ruin a good bed in a heartbeat).

We don't make more of a side relationship than it is. Mark is, was, and always will be my first priority. We don't use other people as an excuse to hurt each other, i.e. dragging people into our drama as it were. If we're together and one of us says no, the answer is no. If we're apart, its safe sex or nothing. And we're both deadly honest to each other, even when it is bound to cause grief. Neither of us suffer dishonesty well, and game play is out of the question. It's a non issue to us.

I know that gay people have fought for equal rights and marriage, and believe me, I'm all for it. Mark and I would marry if it were legally possible. Just because we would marry doesn't mean we would follow the stereotypical marriage paradigm. We've let our relationship be malleable.

For us it works. For some people it doesn't. Personally I think it isn't the amount of people in a relationship that make it a success or failure. It's honesty, trust, communication, compromise and mutual concession, not quitting when the hard stuff makes you cry, the amount of time and effort you put in to make it work, and the willingness to evolve over time. A good, healthy relationship doesn't just happen; people have to make them happen.