09-11-2014, 05:03 PM
Well, my parent WERE NOT open and accepting of me at a young age. I, too, have very early memories of my childhood, though they are not what I would refer to as positive.
I can remember my father looking at me like I was some kind of monster after finding me playing dress-up in my mothers shoes when I was around 5. He would look at me that way for the rest of the time I lived with them. My mother loved me very much, but from a very early age she would would constantly tell me that I needed to ack more masculine and speak with a deeper voice.
I never hearts the words "gay" or "homosexual" until I was in my teens and then I heard them daily, directed at me at school.
I HAD heard the term "pervert" a LOT growing up. I knew that a pervert was someone who preyed on and molested children. I even knew a pervert. My uncle, Johnny, molested me from 6-7 years old before he ran away to live in New Orleans when he was 17. The reason he left, was that I had told my mother what he was doing to me. She hid it from my father and made me swear to never repeat what I had told her to any of our family. It took me many, many years of thearpy to forgive her for that.
Funny thing is, it wasn't until Johnny left that I ever heard anyone refer to him as "Gay". It was then that I made the mental connection between what I had heard about "Peverts" and "Gays" being referenced as being one and the same. I became terrified that I too would become a child molester. More years of thearpy....
Oh, and to the OP: yes, your story about an adult male fondling the genitials of a toddler WAS a major trigger for me. Just reading that one line took me all that way back, past all the thearpy, to my grandmothers bathroom with my uncle on top of me. Just so you know.
~Beaux
I can remember my father looking at me like I was some kind of monster after finding me playing dress-up in my mothers shoes when I was around 5. He would look at me that way for the rest of the time I lived with them. My mother loved me very much, but from a very early age she would would constantly tell me that I needed to ack more masculine and speak with a deeper voice.
I never hearts the words "gay" or "homosexual" until I was in my teens and then I heard them daily, directed at me at school.
I HAD heard the term "pervert" a LOT growing up. I knew that a pervert was someone who preyed on and molested children. I even knew a pervert. My uncle, Johnny, molested me from 6-7 years old before he ran away to live in New Orleans when he was 17. The reason he left, was that I had told my mother what he was doing to me. She hid it from my father and made me swear to never repeat what I had told her to any of our family. It took me many, many years of thearpy to forgive her for that.
Funny thing is, it wasn't until Johnny left that I ever heard anyone refer to him as "Gay". It was then that I made the mental connection between what I had heard about "Peverts" and "Gays" being referenced as being one and the same. I became terrified that I too would become a child molester. More years of thearpy....
Oh, and to the OP: yes, your story about an adult male fondling the genitials of a toddler WAS a major trigger for me. Just reading that one line took me all that way back, past all the thearpy, to my grandmothers bathroom with my uncle on top of me. Just so you know.
~Beaux
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