My boyfriend, me and a cat.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I can update this situation a bit. The cat is here, like my boyfriend said. However it seems to be paying more attention to be than my boyfriend. We think it's strange, because my boyfriend is the one who does all the feeding and petting and everything. I don't have any specific feelings to this animal however it keeps following me around everywhere. Needless to say that my boyfriend is not happy about it.

Cats and dogs are both social animals. Cats go around in "clowder" or a "glaring", dogs in "packs" - these groupings are similar to human 'tribes' or 'extended family'.

You have adopted an animal that will try to socialize and fit its self into your group structure in a manner that resembles its social grouping. Cats in their grouping have hierarchy, where the youngest/weakest submit to to the most dominant member.

I'm going out on a limb here, but it seems to me the cat already understands that you are the head of this group, thus you are the more dominant member and its going to try to win your favor and display behaviors that will tell you it is submitting to your will.

Don't be surprised if the cat brings you dead things. When a cat brings you prey it has killed it is showing submission to your ultimate Authority - sort of the giving you the lions share.

If you are showing no interest in the cat, ignoring it, you are punishing it. In groups of animals there are various forms of 'punishing' individuals in groups, one such way is to shun or ignore the individual. The individual then has to 'do something' to show its sorry.

Right now the cat is doing the positive things to get your attention and your approval. If you do not demonstrate your approval (sorry just telling the cat you approve won't send the message), the the cat will most likely turn to other not so nice behaviors, such as pissing on your side of the bed, pissing in your shoes. Attacking you and challenging your position as head of the group.

And BTW, cat piss is potent stuff - the typical way to get rid of cat urine in say your shoes is to throw out the shoes...


Since you cannot sit down and tell the cat who is who in the social structure of the house, its going to take a while for the cat to know who to go to for nurturing, who to go to for protection, who to appease and please the most when you and the BF have a fight... etc.

Your BF will have to play more with the cat and have his lap available more often. You, if you do not want this cat to be 'yours', need to give it minimum attention, a pat a stroke, a few kind words (gentle the voice) and show that you like it enough, but that its emotional needs are going to mostly be met via the other member of the group (your BF).