Fathers

[spotysocks]

Indeed, fathers usually are closer to their daughters for what i have noticed but yours is really fantastic. As for my relationship with my dad is not an easy one. that is what i said in another thread.

Personally i have to admit i feel drained every time i speak to him, it doesnt take more than 5 mins-record time! He reminds me what i should do or in my view what he wants me to do and i have different plans. I get so much negativity from him that i feel weak,sad and lost at the same time. He is a good family man though and worked hard in his life and i appreciate what he has done for his family. The thing is that he exhausts me emotionally since i can remember myself..age 5 maybe... dont remember many times i felt in ease being around him but there are a few i keep in my mind as good memories.
I already feel guilty for being away , i miss everyone in my family and they miss me too; being away though gave me time to find myself and also accept my sexuality which we havent discussed in depth and is not an issue that can cause dispute at least not yet....
I haven't been visiting home often because i cannot have any confrontation with him and although this is good as we wont have any arguments or bad feelings keeping a 'safety distance' i miss home and feel alone (definitely this have effected my personality too). I feel i cant resolve this so i avoid it but what worries me is doing so at some point will come to haunt me. I hope and try not to mistreat him or disrespect him and try to be fair. It is really hard to have a conversation with him...i just have to be silent let him say what he has to say and then try to find a way either to do what i believe is best for me without upsetting him or make him feel i am going against him...takes a skill. Not sure if i have the right approach to our relationship. Very difficult relationship.