I cant come out

[MikeW]

...what im gonna do

Ok, well, welcome to Gay Speak.

You say you're 21 in your post but your bio says you are 20. In any case you are still very young and obviously have a LOT to learn about life.

No one can tell you what to do. However I can suggest you begin to think about your own life and your own happiness. Right now you sound miserable. You sound like you've let yourself go... get terribly out of shape... probably depressed... anxious... not sure where to go or what to do with your life.

Well, ok, accept this is where you are now. BUT do not accept that you have to STAY in this mess. You CAN get out. It is just going to take some time and effort on your part.

Frankly, I don't really know you but I don't think you should even be worrying about "coming out" or "being gay" right now. Ok, so you jerk off to gay porn. Fine. No problem. Don't worry about the REALITY of being gay just yet. YOU need to take care of YOU first. Get your life together. Start eating better. Loosing weight. Begin doing something physical so you can shape your body up. I don't care what. Working out, swimming, riding a bike... even walking. GET BACK IN YOUR BODY.

As you do that you'll begin to feel better. You'll feel better physically and emotionally. You'll begin to feel better about yourself.

In a few years if you keep it up THEN you can begin to think about what it means for YOU to be gay. You can begin to think about what kind of life YOU want for you. How you want to live it. Who you want to share it with.

But for now, don't even worry about it. First things first.